#also that man has no sense of safety for himself and his kids. cannot relate!!!

[lookliketaylorswift]

"why is nobody talking about her husband" because he's not the most influential person right now? because he does not have such a massive following? because trump is banking on taylor's silence to further is campaign and not his? because we care. because we are her fans not his. what's not fucking clicking.

[akai-anna]

So I just recently read your post about decto relationships with the bingo card thing, and I enjoyed it a lot and wanted to hear more of your opinions on other relationships. I would like to see which other relationships you choose and how you view them.

Firstly, I would like you to know: I cannot even put into words how happy this ask made me (the fact someone was curious enough to ask something from me unprompted! the fact that SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO APPROACH ME TO ASK!! AND ABOUT DETCO!!!), so thank you very much for making my day with this and giving me that dopamine rush. (Also, thank you for your patience, I got too busy and took me much longer to answer than expected!)

Secondly, notes still apply:

as in the previous ask about relating to this topic, i interpret relationships in the broadest possible sense

i check everything that makes sense to me, even if they seem contradictory; i view them applied to different situations/universes/possibilities

ship opinion bingo in question

*cracks fingers and rolls up sleeves* Now, let's get down to business.

I. Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan - Miyano Shiho/Haibara Ai - Detective Boys Trio

The Elementary Squad

I have A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM SO GET READY.

In general, the friendship (friendship is a canon relationship!) these 4 (then eventually 5) little menaces of my heart share, is so very precious. The way these 3 latched onto him, and integrated him into their little group, how Shinichi LITERALLY ACTS LIKE HIMSELF AROUND THEM DESPITE THE KIDS HAVING NO IDEA ABOUT HIS TRUE IDENTITY. HE IS AUTHENTIC AROUND THEM. Also I forgot the number of times the kids called Shinichi out on his BS (like him switching between his adult and child speech patterns when interacting with adults/the police and disappearing acts) and how many times they all get in soooo much trouble because they are lil troublemakers, so curious, never saying no to adventure.

Shinichi is a mentor to them, teaching them about stuff but also their friend. Shinichi is Big Brother material, and the kids know that they can count on him, turn to him in need, and Shinichi cannot help but indulge them, involving them in stuff to an extent, while also trying his damnedest to keep them safe and protect them (even at his own risk and safety, bodily protecting them).

And then you add Ai to the mix, and she gets integrated into their tight-knit little group. Not only Shinichi finally has a connection to the BO with her, but also someone who is in the same situation as himself and someone who needs his protection. (AND SOMEONE WHO TEASES HIM LIKE HE DESERVES IT! AI-SHINICHI BANTER IS SO GOOD! LOVE THEM!) And Ai finds herself not only friends but a family. (Sometimes a family is one middled aged man, 2 fake and 3 real elementary students.)

She encounters unconditional kindness, which melts her cool exterior and as time passes she not only comes to care about these people, but also learns to lower her barriers. And ultimately makes the choice to be with them despite the risks.

You can give me these 5 kids in almost any combination and I would be so happy to see them (and could talk about them for hours without stopping, almost did them in different combinations separately, God, save my soul). Special mention: Mitsuhiko-Shinichi/Conan dynamic gets to me so bad because Mitsuhiko is the most curious of the 3, when it comes to knowledge. He LOVES learning, and applying what he knows (just like a certain someone we know). And Mitsuhiko learns well; he absorbs what Shinichi tells and shows him. (And I love how complex his feelings are about that.) Also the parallel between Heiji and Mitsuhiko, my HEART-

I could go on forever about these children of mine (AYUMI AND MITSUHIKO'S PUPPY CRUSHES ON SHINICHI AND AI RESPECTIVELY, HOW THEY ALL PLAY SOCCER AND HIDE AND SEEK TOGETHER, THEIR LIL ANTICS, HOW THE KIDS LEARN TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES- *GETS SMACKED WITH A PILLOW IN THE FACE*), so have this utterly adorable lil thing to close this section.

⊱✿⊰

II. Vermouth/Chris Vineyard/Sharon Vineyard -Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan (- Mouri Ran)

This is such a delightfully precious and weird dynamic. I don't even know how to describe it, really because 1) there is so little content of this (WHERE IS MY VERMOUTH BACKSTORY/ARC!!! WHERE!!! WHERE IS MORE OF THEM!!! WHERE!!!) relationship in particular and 2) how do you even label something so unusual? Vermouth having such a solid opinion of Shinichi and Ran while the other two are so unsure what is exactly going on. (Shinichi is definitely suspicious of her with GOOD REASOn but also Weirded out I feel while Ran knows even less.) SO BEAUTIFULLY IMBALANCED AND WEIRD.

I guess, in short: Vermouth having a life-altering meeting with these two, only for Shinichi and Ran for it to be The Most Natural Thing?

I JUST LOVE HOW VERMOUTH IS SO FOND OF THESE TWO. (SHE LITERALLY HAS PHOTOS OF THEM!!!) HOW MUCH SHE WANTS THEM TO BE SAFE. SO MUCH SHE EVEN RISKS HER OWN LIFE AND SAFETY.

SO MUCH SHE WOULD SCHEME AND LIE TO KEEP THESE TWO SAFE. (SHE FCKIN!!!! DRAPED HER OWN COAT OVER HIM I'M!!! KDSNVKJSDVNKJSD *SCREAMS AT TOP LUNG CAPACITY* SHE FREAKING MADE AMURO PROMISED NOT TO HARM RAN AND SHINICHI, I'M GOING BONKERS!!!)

SO MUCH SHE WOULD EVEN TURN A GUN AGAINST ANOTHER BO MEMBER, WOULDN'T LET ANYONE ENDANGER THEM NOT EVEN HERSELF.

I'M! SCREAMING!! Love me a morally grey woman with her own agenda.

NOT ONLY THAT BUT SHE WOULD ALSO HELP THEM OUT? HER COVERING FOR THIS GReMLIn i'M DEAD, The WInK-

BUT SHE ALSO WOULD DO THIS:

(THE FREAKING GIRLY RUN SHE DOES AND THE LITTLE HEART, SHE KNOWS SHE'S OPENLY BEING A LIL SHIT TO SHINICHI AND I'M THRIVING-)

THEY ARE HER TREASURES YOUR HONOUR!!!

Each and every interaction with them has me IN ABSOLUTE HYSTERICS, MAKING ME GO CRAZY. For closing this section, I leave you with a (bad quality) gif I made (in a rush) because this part in the anime MAKES ME LOSE IT EVERY TIME. THE SLOW MOTION, THE WAY HE HOLDS HIM BY THE HANDS AND GENTLE WAY SHE SETS SHINICHI DOWN, I CANNOT.

⊱✿⊰

III. Hattori Heiji - Tooyama Kazuha - Mouri Ran - Kudou Shinichi/Edogawa Conan

THE OSAKA DUO (AKA FIRECRACKER PAIR) and the Tokyoites (AKA THE BIGGEST HEIZUHA SUPPORTERS OUT THERE)

I'll be honest, at first I planned to include only Kazuha & Heiji in this but then I started looking for scenes in the manga and got obliterated by my love for the 4 of them. (And yes, I know I already did Heiji & Shinichi in the previous ask, I love them, sue me. Also, i wanted to count "Not dating but married nonetheless" for Heizuha BC THEY ARE, but this ended up as a 4 character thing so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

To make it short: I FREAKING ADORE THEM.

In more detail: Heiji-Kazuha AND Shinichi-Ran both come in sets, DO NOT SEPARATE THEM. Then you put them all together THEY MAKE A WHOLE SET, A UNIT, A SQUAD.

But also there are different combinations: The Detectives And Cursed Bad Luck Duo, The Superstitious Girl Duo, The Not Dating But Married Couple, THE DATING HUSBAND AND WIFE DUO, THE SEPARATE TRIO COMBOS. *RIPS OF CLOTHES AND ROARS* ALL SO VERY GOOD.

THEY ARE JUST SO PRECIOUS TO ME, and they are just So- *CLENCHES FIST* THE BACK AND FORTH TEASING IN ALL KINDS OF COMBINATIONS, THE RUNNING INSIDE JOKE MOMENTS OF KAZUHA SAYING SHINICHI SOLVES CASES FASTER THAN HEIJI (TO HEIJI'S ETERNAL ANNOYANCE), OR HOW THE GIRLS THINK HEIJI AND SHINICHI/CONAN ARE LIKE BROTHERS-

BUT ALSO BEING A WITNESS TO ALL THE WEIRD CONAN-THINGS, OR HOW THE BOYS BOND OVER THEIR LOVE FOR THEIR GIRLS AND THE GIRLS BONDING OVER THEIR LOVE FOR THEIR BOYS, AND BEING THE BIGGEST SUPPORTERS OF EACH OTHER'S HAPPINESS (CONFESSING FEELINGS TO THEIR BELOVEDS).

MY BI ICON KAZUHA, NOT TO MENTION RAN'S CONFESSION IN KANSAI-BEN I'M FERAL, THESE GIRLS LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER (and the boys too, but more on that later) SO DEEPLY, IT'S ENDEARING.

RAN LITERALLY, ON HER SECOND MEETING WITH KAZUHA, NOT ONLY SEEING SHE IS UPSET, BUT ALSO GOING OUT OF HER WAY TO CHEER HER UP I'M!!! BEST GIRL!!! TRULY AN ANGEL!!! (Ya really are a nice girl, Ran, I CONCUR.)

THEN OF COURSE WE CANNOT NOT MENTION THE OSAKAN DUO. THEY ARE SO COMFORTABLE AROUND EACH OTHER, it's one of my favourite things, so UNABASHED WITH EACH OTHER IN WAY. They are (not dating BUT) MARRIED YOUR HONOUR, they really are like an old married couple.

Honestly, I Just keep THINKING of them all BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DEAR, I'M SCREAMING-

Also, it's so rarely mentioned but (because there is just so little of it in canon WHICH IS A CRIME, GET ON THE CASE BOYS) SHINICHI/CONAN-KAZUHA IS ESPECIALLY PRECIOUS TO ME, they have such great potential. Every time I SEE THEM INTERACT EVEN FOR A SECOND I GO APESHIT, ABSOLUTELY BONKERS. There is just something about Shinichi calling her "Kazuha" and "Kazuha-chan", the possibility of them BONDING OVER THEIR BELOVEDS AND YEARS OF PINING (because both Heiji and Ran can so oblivious it's endearing) but also bonding over HOW STUPID HEIJI IS AT TIMES, but also how much they both care for him and Ran. My dream is to see Kazuha make/get Shinichi a protective charm (let's be honest, hE NEEDS IT, and Heiji's seems to be sorta effective). There is a parallel there (now only if I could find the post for it). Also Shinichi not only being OK with Kazuha picking him up (LETTING HER!!!) BUT ALSO BEING FINE WITH KAZUHA HOLDING HIM!!! (FOR A WHOLE CONVERSATION!!!)

Also, ShinRan sharing that braincell.

I hope you enjoyed this wild rambling ride, dear Anon, and thank you for asking, I HAD SO MUCH FUN!!! May you have a blessed day, darling!

[uroborosymphony]

Quinn, The Black Knight, ANACHRON and the Kangs.

Quinn, the vigilante.

HER TAG. HER BIO.

In this thread, Quinn sneaks into the penthouse of a certain politician Kang Sungwoon. The said politician appears on television quite a lot promoting the city's its citizens safety. Kang therefore positions himself as a savior and explains how the city has known more and more crimes these days and how their priority is to keep on making the city safe. To achieve that, the police has been reinforced in order to keep an eye and take down the trouble makers. The trouble makers in question happen to be young, young foster kids from poor neighborhoods. The said poor neighborhoods are therefore pointed as 'the problem'. Quinn has spent years helping in these neighborhoods along with Taiyang @velvetineblue and by extension Black Fang. She therefore has been in touch with these teens and their families and know they aren't the "problem", turns out politician Kang use them, coerce/force them into taking the hit/commit for small yet multipme crimes in his behalf : we're talking creating fake small gangs and assulting citizens in the middle of the day or the night, stealing their bags, threatenings women, breaking into shops and houses ect ect. It is all a mascarade however, while the police and the city have eyes on these minor fake crimes, they cannot see the bigger ones Kang has his hands on. Quinn loses her marbles hearing of that and wants to do justice herself, she wants to make Kang an "example" by plenting explosives in his penthouse. She crosses paths with Myungdae @clemencetaught there, aka The Black Night, who also has eyes on Kang for similar reasons. However, Myundae's goal is to steal data from Kang's laptop and work from that. Ferre suggests that Kang works with ANACHRON. Quoting them : " Either way, whether ANACHRON does have Kang under their thumb ( or vice versa- that’s always possible, according to Pawn although Myungdae highly doubts it )." I originally had a muse who was Kang's daughter - I didn't have much plan for the daughter. However with now Ferre adding ANACHRON into the equation, I ADORE THE IDEA and I have better ideas for his daughter. One that will make a lot of sense, here me out. I want his daughter to be an existing muse of mine who has the fitting story for it : Kang Soojung aka. Gaya.

Gaya, the heiress.

HER TAG. HER BIO.

Gaya be found on my multi muse blog here : swansofmisery.tumblr.com

Gaya was an orphan, she grew up in an orphanage with Jinwoo @solitvrs and Jay @thegreenswillcome. She got adopted late, around the age of 12 by a powerful family who wanted to replace their missing daughter by one looking exactly like her. They found her and raised her exactly the way they wanted her to be. Gaya is the heiress of the Kang family, she will inheritate the status, the businesses, both legal and illegal in exchange for her to act, behave and do exactly how she's been taught to. She own a gallery - a cover - that the Kang family uses for illegal auctions she is in charge of. And little by little, her father introduces her to the secrets of the Kang family, the secrets of their politics, the power they have on the city. At the age of 28, Gaya resents her life, being a pawn/used by her adoptive family is never what she wanted, she is trapped however, psychologically - her Father is a powerful man. She finds some sort of escapism with Jinwoo her childhood friend, they hang out, and she met Taiyang through Jinwoo, gets acclimated with this side of the city, with Black Fang, with the gangs. They race together, they do little business or they talk. She tells Taiyang she relates to how he feels regarding his responsabilities, regarding his family name : she feels the same, trapped and in charge of something bigger than them. Now. Considering what Politician Kang, her adoptive father is doing, it will be another bad surprise for her. The man uses foster kids to do the dirty work while she was a foster kid herself - and well, isn't she doing His dirty work too? Gaya will have to make choises, take decisions.

Does she want to be a Kang and therefore be indirectly responsible for her father's disgusting actions?

Will she embrace her own path and go against the Kang family by fully embracing the Vigilantes/Black Fang side/By helping ?

If she goes against her Father and the empire the Kang built, she will have a target on her head and might have to kill her father before he kills her herself - she knows enough to bring down a lot.

How much does she know about ANACHRON though? Waves at Ferre

[rubberduckyrye]

Oh man!!!

I do love me the Tragedy of the Twins and the unsympathetic tragedy of Kenzo becoming the monster that once abused him. Delicious stuff I tell you--I'm really happy that so far I haven't gotten anyone accusing me of trying to make Kenzo sympathetic by acknowledging the cycle of abuse and that Kenzo was, himself, a victim. That doesn't excuse ANYTHING he did, ofc.

Yeah when I was developing him, I wanted to make sure people saw Kenzo as a monster but never associate him with one of the "bad" disorders. I also don't want to make him sympathetic, either, by dwelling on his backstory and what made him into the monster we love to hate.

I never plan on getting married (AROACE FTW) so I luckily don't have to worry about that. I totally get it though, it REALLY sucks that the government is so against disabled people... I think there shouldn't be discrimination against disabled people who are married like that's the weirdest thing. So like is the Government expecting the partner to pay for everything??? In this economy??? In this day and age? Damn what a backwards mindset.

I'm jealous you got out of your wheelchair though I am still struggling with my back problems orz But I'm glad you got better, even if you're not sure how! Still, it might be worth reconsidering disability benefits. Even if one day you find someone and get married, it might be worth getting them asap if you believe you can't work. Even temporary assistance is still assistance.

I couldn't tell you who my first soulbound was because I had so many "imaginary friends" as a kid it's unreal nfsknfjkds

Oh nice! Thank you for that information, it's very helpful! :D IT sounds like a whole lot to deal with though. Still, good information to keep in mind!

Oh man, I bet--though tbh I actually don't think Junko has ASPD. Not in the sense that you might be thinking of--because she doesn't actually seem to disregard the feelings and safety of others. In fact, it's the fact she does care about other people that drives her despair, since she's literally performing the greatest acts of self harm and sabotage due to her over-analytical brain making the world around her so boring that she can't feel anything except the pain of self loathing and despair. Honestly when you realize she is self harming (trying to make herself feel Despair (AKA Anything) to be free of the boredom) she becomes more of a cautionary tale of how hyper intelligence can lead to extreme self destruction--and maybe about how the world failed a literal genius where, had the world not failed to help her, she could have brought a golden era of humanity to the world. But I might be getting to analytical here LMAO

Anyway I mentioned before that I can kind of relate to Junko now, and that's via my ADHD. So naturally I'm giving her the most Severe Case of ADHD known to man. (I don't like giving my villains the "bad" disorders so even Junko cannot be given this in my stories fdjklgndfkgjs)

I actually had a little joke about that when the Despair Mascot! Kokichi stuff was a thing, where there was a joke an anon made about Mikan suggesting Kokichi had ADHD and Junko realizing that SHE had ADHD and wanting to be on the strongest dose. Then she's pacified because her brain can finally calm TF down.

@kindlyre

Okay I'm VERY curious as to what mental illness you're writing Rantaro to have because it seems to be one of those stigmatized ones and I'm v curious???

[trulyhumblenarcissist]

Abourt Rei Himura and BNHA Chapter 301

Now that I've read the official release of chapter 301 I can finally try to gather my thoughts. I think this time the particular rendition of dialogues and inflections provided by Caleb Cook is more crisp and clear than usual, especially in throwing "shade" upon Endeavor as a father figure. But let's do things in order...

Title: THE WRONG WAY TO PUT OUT A FIRE - a simple, but stark message that doesn't leave space for ambiguity. There was a fire, an imminent tragedy that could and should have been avoided, but whoever tried to fix it, did it all wrong and now we have to deal with a huge arson.

CARLESS HANDLING OF FIRE, on the other hand, doesn't quite cut it for me, because it seems like everything was caused by a foolish mistake. "I was carless and now I'm in a pinch"- type of situation, while it's perfectly clear that Endeavor and Rei decided purposefully which "strategy" to use with Touya. A BAD one to say it lightly. Rei's contribution and complicity is debatable, of course, and I'll touch on this later.

Let me get this clear though: I'm not trying in any way to critique the hard work of unofficial translators. I can't say anything relevant because I'm not a translator in the first place (I can barely understand English and my native language on a good day) and also because I am so grateful for everything they do in order to give us really good material FREE OF CHARGE basically a second after the release in Japan. I'm just interested about the different shades of subtext we can catch if we read the story through multiple filters. Every translation is unique because it carries the personal spin of the author even if the bias should be inexistent or ideally undetectable...

However, back to the chapter

REI'S CAGE

The first scene opens on a luxurious classic Japanese villa, with Enji, Rei and her parents discussing the motivation behind Enji's proposal. Or at least we initially think that's what's going on... Because in reality Rei's family couldn't care less about the motivation. Everything these people see is a wealthy, famous guy the next number one hero ready to take their daughter in marriage. I guess the Himuras are pretty broke, thight on cash, their old prestige is definitely gone and all they can do to save themselves from shame and poverty is "to sell" their only remaining asset.

During the whole ordeal, Rei is standing still, silent, cold as ice. She knows she doesn't really have a choice. How mortifying and sad is this? An adult, capable woman has no agency whatsoever, she is used again and again and she stoically accepts this treatment from every single dominant figure in her life until she can't be stoic anymore. I really hope Horikoshi's going to give her a much more proactive role in saving her family and it seems the narrative wants us to expect this type of character development.

I'd like to point out 2 panels in particular:

First one

In this scene the Todorokis are back from their trip to the doc, who clearly said they shouldn't try to conceive a child with a perfect quirk mix because it is dangerous (and morally questionable too). Rei understands this fact and tries to dissuade Enji, but he doesn't listen, because he's projecting all his pent-up resentment and frustration onto Touya. He knows how it feels to crush against an unbreakable wall, since he can't surpass All might and his son can't too. He had to learn this truth the hard way, so Touya needs to do the same. Enji is purposefully throwing upon his son years of failures, self consciousness and despair, just because the boy has to get it into his thick skull that he is a dud, just like his father. This is not a hopeless dad making a mistake bona fide, this is a broken man trying to destroy his self reflection by proxy, annihilating everything Touya is, swiping the kid's identity under the rug. He describes his son's dreams and sadness as something birthed from stubbornness. He is auto-convincing himself however (because Endeavor is not stupid). A little bit later he's basically saying: "Touya let's play make believe! We can go on like everything I had engulfed in your psyche never existed, you're a failed attempt so you don't exist. Your needs and wants are silly and useless, nothing worth dealing with now that I can't make you my prodigy. Why don't you go play with the other failures so that I don't have to look at myself while taking actually care of you. I don't want to see you, because it's too painful, because you're a remainder of my own inadequacy."

Note: If you want to read an incredibly well done analysis about Endeavor's motives and psyche, you can get it on @thyandrawrites , she's dwelt on everything extensively and way better than me.

I really want to talk about Rei though. In the panel I showed above, her expression is a bit tricky to analyse. At first she is very vocal about her position. She doesn't want to put Touya through useless suffering, especially since they have a scientific reason not to. They have no guarantee of success with other children, besides, they could possibly have to deal with other health related issues. However, all it takes to convince her in the end is Enji's half assed attempt at the "It's for Touya's sake" shtick. Is it really? Why doesn't she question her husband anymore?

Well... I think before Natsuo, she was probably hoping Touya would let go "naturally", with time and growth, maybe by taking interest in his other siblings. Rei said she wanted to have more children because in her mind they would have supported and loved each other. Maybe she was naive enough to think that a big family full of kids few years apart from each other was all Touya needed to distract himself from his purposes... BUT and here is the point I want to get across: She was deluding herself too, much like Enji. The ugly truth, in my opinion, is that Rei is a person prone to protect herself by going with everything other people want, especially if said people are capable of hurting her. Yes, she was hurt time and time again, but what would have happened if she really tried to stop Enji?

What I am trying to say is that Rei is the kind of person who endures to survive. She holds a "captive" mentality in which, by indulging her captor's desires, she can continue living with less possibile damage. If I stay still and silent, if I don't make a scene, I can go on, I can hold onto the few things I have that actually make me happy.

Let's think about it... Enji was so obsessed with his psychotic, power-hungry quest that he would have probably disown Rei. She would have been thrown away for a more compliant woman with an ice quirk, or something similar, this resulting in her probably losing everything, the respect and love of her family (the Himuras) and also her own children. Because we know Endeavor can definitely hold a grudge and is vendicative.

So, clarifying, Rei doesn't put up a fight because she is scared for herself in a way... She is scared to be hurt in the worst possible way (by losing her little bit of serenity), so her strategy is to endure and to keep up a facade of control and purpose.

Rei, ironically just like Touya and other characters in mha, doesn't really get what unconditional love is. Her family loves her until she can be useful to the Himura name and status, her husband loves her for her quirk. Her children, however, love her for who she is and she wants to stay with them... Only to be forced to leave them later anyway.

The few times Rei actually smiles are when she is with her babies. She is a deeply loving mother in her core, but her declining mental health makes her a very lacking caregiver.

This panel, in my opinion, shows the point of no return for Rei. She can't keep the glacial facade forever...

After Natsuo's turn to be deemed a failure, Endeavor is crazier than ever, because All Might is as popular and loved as ever and he hasn't make any progress into his eugenetic games. The last two images of Rei are very telling. She is exhausted, but she knows what her husband wants from her this time too. She looks like a lifeless doll and honestly I can easily see Shouto's conception as... Non consensual and I will stop here.

Then Shouto is born, the last, perfect specimen... And Rei isn't doing much for Touya, we can see she's apparently blind towards her eldest son's distress already after Natsuo's birth... But why?

Because she is actively avoiding to face the Touya's problems too.

If Touya is still suffering, is still feeling stressed and worthless, then everything Rei has endured, everything she pretended not to feel for the sake of her family has been completely useless. What Rei cannot look at is her own parental failure, is the concrete proof that while protecting herself and her peace she did not protect her children too, because the two interests were never really aligned, even if she really believed so. She never had a functional family to preserve in the first place and everything she accepted to do was all for the sake of a false sense of belonging.

However is too easy to say she should've rebelled against Enji and dumped his sorry ass. Abuse traps you and your abuser too in a cage tricky to escape.

What I imagine will happen next chapter is one of two things:

Enji stops Touya by using brute force, probably also saying something really scarring to reinforce the notion that Shouto is the only child he cares about.

Rei stops Touya by using her quirk. This act could be considered by Touya another confirmation that even his mother actually does something by her own accord only when Shouto's safety is at risk

Necessary conclusions

I don't blame Rei for her actions too much. She is a victim turned abuser by circumstances, but more importantly she's actually taken mesures to prevent herself from hurting her children again. She's trying to heal for her family's sake, really this time. Ten years spent dealing with guilt and having actual therapy seem a good plan to me. And now she's the one ready to snap Enji back to reality.

Enji, on the other hand, is trying too. It's too little too late, but if he stops avoiding reality and hardly works on understanding his family's point of view I don't think he is completely unredeemable. I don't see him surviving his last confrontation with Touya, thought... But I could be totally wrong.

Obviously everything I've said it's my personal analysis on Rei's character, as I interpret her actions and words, so feel free to contradict me and/or to add anything you might see fit.

[qlala]

Hi here's my money for that Barry and Len "guilt versus shame" essay. Thanks! 💰💰💰💰💰 (I drew the dollar signs on the bags myself. I'm crafty)

Anon when I said essay, I meant essay. But alright. Here you go. for you and your hand-drawn dollar signs. Come, take this journey with me. (A journey of character analysis for fun—please, no one take this as reliable psychology.)

As I said, I consider the main conflict between Barry and Leonard not one of good versus evil, but of guilt versus shame. Specifically, the difference between them is that Barry is a character motivated by guilt, while Len is motivated by shame.

(And to get this out of the way - I’m not talking about sexuality, but how Barry and Len relate to the world and other people. I don’t think Len is the least bit ashamed of his sexuality; Wentworth Miller has always said that Len is someone who knows exactly who he is, and I think that’s true).

A more accurate way of talking might be to say that guilt-driven characters are motivated by love, while shame-driven characters are motivated by respect.

I’m going to start with Barry, because guilt-motivated characters tend to be much more straight-forward than shame-driven characters. Barry grew up (with some bumps along the way) in supportive, loving homes. His parents, and later Joe, always treated him with love, which allows Barry to love himself and other people.

Treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can afford them, and they’ll always have that basic core of respect to fall back on in the face of outside adversity. (Barry is remarkably hard to ruffle with insults—antagonists always have to target the people he loves, because he just… does not rise to the bait when it’s just his own pride on the line.)

This kind of early exposure to love and respect are fundamental to being able to feel guilt about harming others later in life. Barry was raised to respect and love other people (in the general, “love your fellow man” sense), so he would feel guilty if he hurt someone innocent. The core sense of self-respect and self-love that Barry developed in childhood means Barry’s sense of self can always take the hit when he feels guilty about hurting other people.

Guilt makes us feel, temporarily, unloveable. But because Barry was raised to feel fundamentally deserving of love, he can afford to feel briefly unloveable when he hurts other people—it just means he needs to make amends, and then he’ll be worthy of that love again.

That’s why Barry’s a guilt-driven (or love-driven) character: when he interacts with the world, the thing he’s most afraid of losing is love. He’s never been put in a position where he feels like what he’s missing is respect.

And that’s where he and Len differ. Len’s not guilt- or love-driven; he’s shame-driven.

Len appears to feel zero guilt for hurting innocent people, at least when we first meet him in season 1. And the reason for that is Lewis. As I mentioned, love is a prerequisite for guilt. And unlike Barry, Len wasn’t brought up in a loving home. I highly doubt that Lewis’s love for Len was ever freely given, even before he became physically abusive. And if it was, that sense of self was absolutely ripped away from Len when that abuse started.

As I mentioned, treating children with love is the most basic respect their guardians can give them. By withholding that love, Lewis taught Len that he was inherently worthy of neither love nor respect. Raised in that environment, where violence was the way Len saw power exerted over others, the natural response was for Len to seek out respect, not love. He had nothing to gain from loving others—and therefore, from feeling guilt—because he’d already been taught he could survive without love. What he couldn’t survive without was respect, because disrespect meant becoming the object of violence—first from his father, and later, from the criminal justice system.

(Prison is a conversation for another day, but suffice to say, the dehumanizing treatment incarcerated people face parallels that childhood lack of love, robs them of the self-respect and self-love they need to have healthy relationships with other people, and increases the likelihood that they’ll commit violent crimes, not reduces it).

So Len did whatever it took to survive, and survival meant accumulating respect. There’s an obvious cure to this obsession with respect, of course: 1) love, and 2) safety.

Now, as eager as I am to jump into how Barry helped Len break the cycle of violence, Barry’s not the source of love I want to talk about here. Barry comes in later; when I talk about the love that saved Leonard, I’m talking about Lisa.

Because, listen—I’m as exhausted as you are by the trope of “female loved one is male character’s humanity,” especially where, like in some of the Flash comics, it means killing off Lisa to make Leonard a more ruthless (and, I guess the the theory goes, interesting?) villain. But Lisa isn’t just some crack in Len’s armor; she fundamentally changed Len’s life when she was born.

Len was already somewhere between thirteen and sixteen by the time Lisa was born; for the sake of convenience, let’s put him around 15. (For some more detailed meta about the Sniblings' ages, check out this excellent post by @coldtomyflash). If Len was five when Lewis went to prison, and ten when Lewis came out a much more violent man (see: everything I said about prison earlier), that means Len experienced several years of incredibly traumatic treatment before Lisa was born.

He and Mick were in juvie together at least once when Len was still young enough to be “the smallest kid in there,” and Len was nearly killed. Mick saved him, yes, but the experience had to further numb Len to guilt and reinforce that violence and respect were the only real paths to survival.

And then, Lisa. Len clearly, canonically loves Lisa from the moment she’s born. We know nothing about either of their mothers (and it is pretty likely, given the 15-year age gap between them, that they have different mothers), but they’re clearly both out of the picture—Lisa says Len raised her. Len raised her! Fifteen years old, three years away from being free and clear of Lewis’s house forever, and Len stays to raise her.

Lisa is absolutely the one person keeping Len from sliding fully head-first into the path carved for him by Lewis and reinforced by the prison system. He is still primarily shame- and respect-driven—we see him kill people without any guilt, hell, he tries to derail a train with children on board in season one just to see what Barry will do.

But Lisa taught Len that he’s deserving of love and capable of loving others, and because of that, Len cannot, will not respect Lewis for his violence he rains on them both.It leaves open a door in his mind: Lisa doesn’t deserve to be treated that way, which could mean, if he could ever afford to consider it, that he didn’t deserve to be treated that way, either.

It’s why Barry is so unbelievably smug at the end of “Family of Rogues.” He’s figured it out; he wouldn’t put it in terms like guilt and shame, but he’s cracked it all the same. He always knew Len was like him, was someone who had been forced into violence by his circumstances, and now he has proof. Barry is remarkably unconcerned that Len shot Lewis; he’s briefly surprised, sure, but by the end of the episode he’s visiting Len in Iron Heights and goading him about the good in him.

And that’s where Barry comes in. He’s the crucial second ingredient to that cure for shame—he’s the safety.

He blazes into Len’s life and praises him for things no one else ever praised him for: for his morals, for his mercy, for the way he loves Lisa. He gives him an acceptable out to stop killing (he appeals to his vanity, says he’s good enough at what he does that he doesn’t need to hurt innocents, and they both know it’s an excuse), and he makes it clear that he respects not Len’s capacity for violence, but his desire to escape the need for it.

He also offers Len protection to start making that transition. Len knows, even if neither of them say it, that Barry would drop everything to help him if he called. When Len’s reluctant do-gooding puts him in harm’s way, like with King Shark in ARGUS, Barry does drop everything. He gives up a tool that could save Iris’s life to save Len’s instead. This is not me hating on westallen at all—Barry’s sense of obligation to Len is just that strong. He knows he’s put Len on slippery ground by helping extract him from the safety net he’d built himself out of violence.

And that’s Barry’s guilt drive in action—because yeah, he loves Len. He cares about him, and he respects him, and that’s love to Barry. He just wants to give Len the chance to love people that way, too. And in the end, Len, despite all his misgivings, ends up letting him.

[shyrose57]

Related Drabbles: This

Haven’t the young suffered enough? Have the people of this server not destroyed them plenty? He is the protector. Perhaps it is time he acts like it.

Or, DreamXD really just wants to let the kids of the server rest. He probably could have gone about it better.

Featuring lots of flower symbolism.

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Through all the wars, bloodshed, and betrayal, one thing had always remained constant.

The minors stick together. 

You can hate each other, you can destroy each other, toss each other around, but when the adults start up another war, you make sure your aim slips a little when you’re fighting another kid.

When fire arcs in the sky, and the world shakes as sides are picked and hearts are broken, you don’t forget that your first loyalty is to the ones as young as you.

This is how it’s been ever since the first drop of blood was shed with cruel intent. This is how it’s been since the first two children were executed for simply being the messengers of a country seeking freedom.

It’s a promise forged in exhaustion and sorrow, but it has never faltered. The adults have failed them, and sometimes, they might do the same, but not when it counts.

Never when it counts.

So, as Purpled stood at the edge of Snowchester, taking in the sudden appearance of flowers that really had no business growing in the cold climate, and the strange shimmer to the air around him, he knew he had a choice to make. 

Did he enter, or did he turn away? Risk his own safety for a vague message? Or leave, possibly risking the health of his fellow minors?

He sighed, and stepped forward.

It was never really a choice in the first place, it wouldn’t do to delude himself. 

The change in atmosphere was almost instant, a wave of warm air rolling over him. The purple-loving boy narrowed his eyes, taking in the change of scenery. 

Very little snow lingered in the once winter-like town. In fact, there was almost none, being melted by the heat. Now, flowers and other greenery crawled all about, looking as though Persephone had decided to walk through, bringing spring forward with each step she took. 

This wasn’t normal. Even with an absurd amount of bone meal, Tubbo wouldn’t have been able to accomplish this much-it didn’t even make sense that he would. Purpled clearly remembered him talking about the charm of the snow, not even two weeks ago, a light to his eyes that he’d been relieved to see again.

His grip on his sword tightened momentarily, before relaxing.

If he wanted answers, he’d just have to go get them. And if the others were hurt...well, there were methods to make sure whoever had done so wouldn’t have much luck remembering who would cut them down. 

And hurting enough to not consider trying again for awhile.

He marched forward, brushing past the alliums that leaned into his path. 

“Tubbo? Tommy? You guys here?” He called out, fingers not straying from his blade. 

“Purpled! Over here!” 

Tubbo. He sounded alright. There was no pain in his voice, but that didn’t necessarily mean anything-they’d all gotten good at hiding their pain. Showing weakness was dangerous, after all. 

He turned towards the direction of the voice, following it to the center of Snowchester. 

Whatever he was expecting, it wasn’t this.

Sitting at a small table were the other three, all looking the slightest bit out of it. Both Tubbo and Tommy had a slightly sleepy droop to their eyes, as well as flowers in their hair. Ranboo was squished between them, looking ruffled and wary as he leaned away from a two toned carnation that seemed determined to wrap around his arm. He’d either yet to notice the ivy climbing his leg or he’d given up on getting it off. None of them looked harmed, though. 

Across from them was a tall man, clad in dark green. 

Purpled raised an eyebrow, sidestepping a lilac bush trying to latch onto his leg.

“What’s Dream doing here?” He asked, letting his hand wrap around his sword. It very clearly wasn’t Dream. If the wings and the lack of the mask weren’t enough, his posture told him everything he needed to know. 

Dream’s posture was confident. Bordering on arrogant, even. It was well-earned, but you could tell it had gotten to his head. He was self assured in his strength, but there was also always a touch of tenseness to it. The slight paranoia that he could be taken down. Equal confidence and fear made his muscles taunt, his back straight, his eyes unblinking.

(Power corrupts, as they say)

This man was confident too, but there was no tenseness to his posture. It wasn’t exactly relaxed, but it wasn’t worried either. It simply was. No concern or fear. Simply...existing. Plus, there was an aura about him, a feeling he couldn’t pinpoint.

No, this wasn’t Dream. He knew that. They knew that he knew that. 

But, hey. People don’t tend to like being mistaken for others-especially if they’re aware that that person isn’t well-liked. And he needs to know who this is before he makes any moves. 

The stranger looks at him, and for a brief moment, something like a smile is present on the blurry face.

“Greetings. I am DreamXD. I wish to speak with you.” 

Huh. Strange name for a strange person. Possibly fake, possibly real. It was hard to read the man.

Dropping into the small space left beside Tommy on the bench, Purpled didn’t blink when the taller boy sleepily leaned on his head, only crossing his arms and not taking his eyes of this XD.

“I’m listening.” 

Flower Symbolism:

Alliums: Good fortune, patience, humility.

Two Toned Carnation: Parting, I cannot be with you.

Ivy: Fidelity(not letting go of what it’s attached to easily), eternity, friendship, anxious to please.

Lilac: Growth, ignorance to knowledge, innocence to wisdom, confidence.

Basic Plot: After a bad first impression on Ranboo, the minors of the server sit down to explain things to XD. Purpled, wary but unwilling to risk the others’ lives, comes to Snowchester, and enters, taking note of the strange occurrences about. He meets the others at the center of Snowchester, and decides to hear XD out. There are hints of a stronger bond between the youth of the server than shown. 

Now XD has to persuade a young assassin that he can help, and has his best interests in mind-which won’t be easy, with how unintentionally off-putting he is, and his original impression on the other three. 

Wish him luck.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Fantasies, dreams and desires, ideas of normalcy and fears of difference. A slightly queer reading of 15x14

Mrs Butters is a delightful character who is built to parallel so many things in the show. She occupies perfectly the semantic sphere that the narrative has crafted around Dean’s desires; also, you know, cake.

We could talk for days about the significance of food and drink in Supernatural. One of the biggest themes that run through the entire show is hunger (or thirst) and food is very often a symbol for an emotional need of sorts. Supernatural draws a lot folklore, and human stories have always used symbologies that put together food, desire, love, sex, family, goodness and darkness and all those human experiences.

We have discussed the shit out of every instance of food in the show, analyzed parallels to other stories and fairytales, scrutinized queer-codings and subtexts, got called nasty names by impolite people accusing us of saying that a slice of baked good means Dean likes sitting on dicks. So, yeah, I’m not gonna start explaining everything from the beginning. Let’s jump to the parallels.

- The comfort food. Motherhood, hugs, and the past that can never return: the ideal of childhood and the 50s fantasy

We’ve already talked about how Mrs Butters functions as a parallel to Mary and a symbol of the ideal motherhood that both Mary and Dean struggled with. In Dark Side Of The Moon, we see a memory from Dean’s childhood, where we learn that Mary would cut off the crusts off his sandwiches. Mrs Butters also says that she cut the crusts off, establishing a direct parallel to Dean’s ideal of childhood and child-parent relationship. Or, we should say, as both Mary’s and Dean’s ideals of a child-parent relationship, because we know that Mary set up her life with John and the kids as an elaborate “scene” according to her idea-slash-fantasy of the perfect safe life.

She strugged with that, because her ideal life could never match with reality - she had loose ends from hunting to deal with, she at some level liked having those loose ends to deal with because as much as she hated the hunting life and craved for safety and “normalcy” that was still something she was in her element doing, probably more than the perfect housewife role. Of course when she came back she attempted to recreate the scene but quickly discovered that it was impossible and dropped all attempts to do so, embracing the opposite, or at least what she perceived as the opposite (having a pretty dualistic view of hunting life-domestic life where they cannot be reconciled).

Dean, on the other hand, started out with a similar dualistic view, figuring that he’d always belong to the hunting world and could never have the domestic, “normal” thing at all, embracing his “freakness” as opposed to the concept of normalcy represented by civilians, by the middle class, by the suburbs, by the apple pie, white fence life (insert heavy queer subtext here). And yet there was always an ambiguity with him (again, he’s never one-or-the-other, he’s always both), because, while on the surface he embraces this rebellious, devil-may-care persona, that’s not quite what he is as a full individual. He grew up essentially a housewife from a very early age, has a very caregiving personality, and thrives in taking care of others.

Dean is both Mrs Butters and Mary, where the difference between him and Mary is that Mary couldn’t (didn’t have the time, support, resources?) reconcile parts of her that Dean instead was able to (and in fact recently helped her with: before dying, she’d reached a pretty healthy balance of living her own life as a hunter and having a warm relationship with her sons, at least as healthy as it can get in that kind of circumstances).

Another important parallel to Dark Side Of The Moon, borrowed by Scoobynatural, is the nightgown that feels like being wrapped in hugs: we are reminded of Dean’s “I wuv hugz” from when he was a kid, a symbol for his early life of affection and safety that he lost with his mother. Childhood hugs, comfort food, loving gestures like cutting off the crusts are all symbols of a past that cannot return.

On a level, from a “coming-of-age story” perspective, childhood, with its innocence and perception that adults will always keep us safe, is obviously something that everyone needs to accept as something that belongs to the past and cannot return, to embrace instead the responsibilities and risks of adulthood in a healthy way. In a sense, Dean needs to go through all these steps - acknowledging that his mother was a flawed person, that in fact both of his parents were flawed people who made mistakes but he can forgive them for his own sake in order to be able to let go of trauma and carry on... - to become a healthy adult able to be a good parent to his own child.

(There’s also the cholesterol thing - Mrs Butters chastizes Dean for his diet, but we know that there’s a depth to Dean’s diet, not only his extreme appreciation of food due to experiencing food scarcity and insecurity as a child, but also the memory of his mother’s comfort food, such as the “Winchester surprise”, a monstrosity of meat and cheese. While the “meat man” persona would appear on the surface as a sterotypical masculinity thing, it has layers, in a typical Dean fashion... not coincidentally, in the latest episode he calls himself the meat man while wearing an apron that we’re told he’s very fond of, painting him, again, in a mixture of different meanings, masculinity and femininity, fatherhood and motherhood, devil-may-care attitude and caregiver attitude.)

On another level, a more political level, there’s the 50s fantasy element. We all know the significance of the idealization of the post-war period as the “good ol’ times” in American culture, and it’s an ideal that Mary definitely drew from when she built her perfect life with her family. Mrs Butters represents this in a very literal way, being literally from 1958 when she “froze” herself, and acts as a very stereotyped governess for a bunch of men that feel like they are above housework, what is considered women’s work. Dean initially comments “how progressive”, knowing exactly how bullshit these conversative ideals are, but then appreciates the comforts of the perfect caretaker.

In fact, Dean’s “giving in” to the comforts of a governess makes me think of that famous feminist manifesto “I want a wife” by Judy Syfers... because housework is very much Dean’s work in the bunker. It’s interesting that Mrs Butters immediately comments negatively on the cleanness of the bunker and their clothes: we know that Dean cleans and washes, and, while it’s likely that he cannot keep everything super perfect like a governess would because he’s busy doing many other things, it’s a way Mrs Butters uses to establish roles that she knows and is comfortable with. She is used to being the one who does “feminine” work while the Men of Letters have absolutely zero skills in that regard, and doesn’t really even stop to question if that’s the case with the men in front of her.

Anyway, let’s go back to the 50s fantasy. The show has repeatedly made commentaries on the vacuity of it. Peace Of Mind is the most obvious instance, but there’s plenty of subtext in the show that deals with that typically American aspect. Just like the childhood aspect, the narrative tells us that the “good ol’ times” are also an idealized thing that cannot return (if it ever existed, because Dean’s childhood was built on a fantasy, and the “good ol’ times” are also a fantasy, because the real 50s were horrible for anyone who didn’t swim in privilege). Mrs Butters cannot stay, the 50s fantasy-slash-childhood fantasy cannot last, and Dean embraces his role as an adult-slash-modern housemaker. Blah blah gender, blah blah cake. (Yeah, sorry, but you can fill in the blanks.)

- The contaminated drink. Poison and weakness from the forbidden sexual desire to the forbidden family domesticity

Aaaand now the second branch of parallels that Mrs Butters pinged on my radar, which sends us in an even more queer-subtext-heavy territory. We’re going to talk about the smoothies and the tomato juice. Yes, I know, the smoothies are given to Jack, not Dean, but symbolically Dean and Jack share the same semantic area; both are given a magically conjured drink, and both end up locked away waiting to be killed. For this analysis, they basically overlap.

Let’s start with the tomato juice. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Dean is given something that visually reminds of the blood the vampires drink. The tomato juice is a stand-in for blood, and blood in relation to vampirism has a long history of subtext in the show that connects to sexuality, sex, sexual fears and contamination. While vampires are not necessarily always invested of those meanings every single time they appear in the three-hundred-whatever episodes of the show, their main symbology is connected to sex and sexual fears, as vampires do in modern western literature, after all.

You’re probably going to think, wait, what? What has Mrs Butters got to do with sexual fears? Yeah, I know, it sounds weird, but hear me out.

The tomato juice - a stand-in for blood, with a vampire reference - parallels Mrs Butters (who represents trauma, remember) to 6x05 Live Free Or TwiHard. Sexual assault, blood, contamination via the poisoning liquid.

Next to the tomato juice there’s the smoothie. It’s a poison in disguise, a contaminated drink that makes Jack weak. We have, in fact, a pattern of Dean being given contaminated drinks that place him under another’s power. Not just the vampire’s blood, but also Jeremy from 3x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me, who offers Dean a beer through which he connects him to his dreams. There’s Nick the siren from 4x14 Sex And Violence, who contaminates Dean through the flask. The venom in the siren’s saliva parallels straight to the gorgon Noah in 14x14 Ouroboros, and I don’t have to start explaining what all those things represent, right? (I have written posts about these things, it would be nice if tumblr didn’t suck and showed them to me when I go look for them.)

(Oh, there’s also Crowley’s human blood addiction, which is not, as one might expect, a parallel to Sam’s demon blood addition, but Dean’s First Blade/Mark Of Cain issue, and the First Blade/Mark Of Cain arc is all imbued by the queer subtext of the Dean-Crowley-Castiel triangle.)

Basically, Mrs Butters is inserted in a history of queer subtext, although it appears as obvious that Mrs Butters hardly represents homosexual desire, unless we go a pretty stretchy route of her occupying Cas’ space in the Dean-Sam-Cas-Jack family (I mean, that’s true, but it’s not simply that). It is also true that Mrs Butters represents Cuthbert Sinclair, and here the radar pings, because Cuthbert Sinclair is totally inside the pattern! He wanted to make Dean part of his collection just like the vampire in 6x05 wanted to make Dean part of his pack, with supernatural means of exorting control over Dean and heavy heavy rapey tones. (I know we don’t like to talk about this, but the show does play with incest subtext, John mirrors are often rapey.)

So, we have all this semantic area of poison, weakness and submission to external control painted in overtones of sexual assault and sexual fears especially in relation to homosexual desire. (I am NOT linking homosexual desire to sexual assult, nor the show is, it’s a wide and volatile semantic area where the common denominator is fear, fear of being hurt FOR being different sexually, it’s about vulnerability because of being different. It’s a horror narrative, guys, remember, queer fear is a recurrent theme in the genre. Dracula was about the horror of what happened to Oscar Wilde, we’re running in circles.)

Now, what kind of fear is explored in 15x14? Well, the episode is about the fear of losing family. The plot is about Dean’s feelings towards Jack after he killed Mary. Dean doesn’t know it yet, but he’s going to lose Cas soon also because of Jack. Mary and Cas are both very noisy absences in the episode, and we know that Dean is going to suffer something horrific again that will shatter his family again. This goes past the fears regarding forbidden sexual desire: we’re in the territory of forbidden familial desire, so to speak, Dean’s craving for a domestic peace with his family.

Jack is both the culmination of Dean’s process of family-building, as the son figure of the family, and the element of destruction of that family-building. Not a coincidence Jack’s birthday was referenced, as Jack’s birth coincided with Cas’ death and Mary’s supposed death or at least separation. Now Jack has supposedly killed Mary (or is it a inter-universe separation again? @drsilverfish​’s theory always pops up, and we keep getting reminded of other universes - the telescope is broken...) and we know that Cas’ ultimate death hangs above us.

We’re always running in a spiral, Dean’s relationship with Mary, Dean’s relationship with Cas, Dean’s relationship with motherhood and gender roles, Dean’s relationship with sexuality. There’s a big picture of mirrors in the semantic area of fantasies, idealizations, desires and dreams. I hope I managed to make this post make sense, but I’m always open to requests of clarification or elaboration. Thanks for reading!

[shigarakiposts]

league of villains playlist head cannons

Hey so this is my first love hc post on Tumblr, so if you like it please share and follow for more content. I am currently accepting requests for hc so feel free to drop a request. just remember all nsfw headcanons must be 18+!!!!!!

Shigaraki Tomura- first of all let me begin by saying Shigaraki is the type of guy that will hear a certain song he likes (that others think is not all that good,) and play it on repeat in secret while he broods and sips his ginger ale. This man does not really give a shit about music, and its not his fault. Tomura is just preoccupied with other things than music and the feelings that come with hearing a certain song that “strikes chords” in a heart. He may play music that is from his favorite video games, and maybe some movie soundtracks. He is more invested in listening to music without words because he just feels like all the emotion that stems from lyrics and people talking about their feelings and problems just irritates him and eventually turns music off because he just can't stand listening to the people talk about their lives, he couldn't be bothered with that. he just wants to listen to music so he can have some background noise while he thinks. he just is new to forming relationships, so music particularly love ballads don't register the way they would for others, he is also quite secretive about his music playlists, and does not like to share his feelings about certain songs to others. low-key will get hung up on one particular song for a few weeks and listen to it nonstop while in-between plf meetings, and middle of the night when he can't sleep. absolutely will not wear earbuds, and refuses to accept that they should even exist. he will only wear over the headphones, or bluetooth. fav music style: classical/instrumental 

Dabi- this m-therfucker Dabi is going to open his Spotify app in and play it in the middle of the night on blast (or at a plf meeting)  just in spite of the fact that people around him hate the song while he scrolls on his phone, lounging with a smug grin “I don't give a fuck if people like this, just the fact that they hate it drives me to play it every single time.” he is thinking this as he peeks over at Tomura, who is glaring at him from across the table. Dabi is listening to music that has a lot of self expression, and bass driven. He likes to listen to music that has long drawn out introductions, and sets the mood for the song. It allows him to have a simple distraction, and while Tomura listens to music to have background noise, Dabi likes to listen to the music for the sense of relief he gets when he lights up a smoke, and flips through his playlist, and can focus on the song and what someone else is feeling and he can relate to. it gives Dabi a sense of safety to know that he can forget about his own life and problems for a while and listen to someone else without the burden that comes with forming relationships in real life. Dabi finds some humor in the metalhead culture, and appreciates the piercings and tattoos people have that attend concerts. fav music style: he is attracted to the rock music sound, but also pop punk. 

Himiko Toga- so growing up in school, some of the girls that Toga went to school with had the iPods, and would share music together maybe during meal times, or walking home together. She did not have many friends to share devices with or talk to about music, so she awkwardly discovered her love of music as a way of trying to get along with other kids she went to school with. she is very good at sneaking, so naturally she studied her classmates social circles for a few days, and gathered some information (well you know..) on the music they enjoyed together, and all the concerts that they hoped to go to.. and of course their favorite crushes on all the stars. when she went home she would use youtube as a way to watch videos with the songs for free and also it allowed her to discover more music and eventually discovered the electronic dance music scene where she was inspired by all the people who gathered for the concerts and the costumes they all wore. Toga was impressed with the community of people in the edm scene because they called each other family, and this scene was inclusive of all people, unlike the one at her school which hyper focused music from the top charts, and was considered popular. due to Togas sometimes bashful nature, she finds comfort in the dance music as a counterpart, and allows her to be out of her comfort zone. Toga also finds that she is a part of a “family” as a raver, and enjoys the carefree fun that follows. she will also talk about her favorite groups and new concert coming to town with you for at least an hour, and before she is tempted to knife you, she is going to ask you first “want to come with me next time??” fav music: edm / house / dance 

Mr.Compress- okay so our man here is not only classically trained as a musician, he is ALSO a fking magician.....amazing! we love this guy. Compress has a relationship with music that far surpasses the others around him have with their simple playlists. this man has MULTIPLE playlists and he organizes them depending on their emotions and titles them appropriately. Compress has the widest variety in music as far as knowledge goes compared to his younger counterparts. He is also the only one in the league that has interpersonal relationships and is able to match his comrades with their own playlists and music he choses for them. He will play classical music for Shigaraki when they work on a mission together, or when they have time together because he knows it suits him, and he respects him for that. he will chuckle and wave his hand around when Dabi is blasting Slipknot in the middle of the plf meeting because he is proud he showed Dabi that song! he is always the one who offers to take Toga and Twice to their raves, and is starting to listen to hiphop now that he has worked with some people with the PLF. more often. Compress uses music as a way to communicate his appreciation to others. he is a true gentleman...we love him for that. fav music style: the one he enjoys with others 

Spinner- shuichi boi is so fking shy n soft that if you tried to get him to open up about what he likes, he will probably implode from terror of having to open up to someone. he is very similar to tomura in that aspect, he is private minded, and like to keep his playlist to himself. that being said apparently the one time toga swiped his phone and did catch a glimpse of his playlist, he had a strikingly similar taste in music to Shigaraki. he had the complete dark souls playlist downloaded offline from Spotify so he could listen to it on the go at all times like on missions where signal may be interrupted. He had a variety of video game soundtracks on his playlist, and occasionally a Muse song in-between to separate all the Hans Zimmer. If you want to sneak a peak at Spinners playlist, you may want to do it quickly, your best bet is to ask when you two are alone otherwise he will likely never show you in fear of being ridiculed by Dabi. Spinner will use his playlist as a way to push out some kind of emotion he is feeling that day. Spinner will regularly update his playlists, and enjoys searching for more music to add constantly. He is pretty quiet when he listen to his music, and prefers to listen to it during the afternoon, when he feels his mood shift the heaviest. fav music style: soundtrack 

Twice- okay well Jin is hands down the biggest Gorillaz fan you CANNOT convince me otherwise on this. He has the Plastic Beach album on repeat. Due to the Gorillaz eccentric style and sound, Jin is absolutely in awe of how great he begins to feel when the beat starts, and he can focus on the ever changing tempo, and sounds that are happening. he does not listen to music very much, and due to his quirk effecting him, he is usually preoccupied with other thoughts, and is not interested in learning new songs, or crafting playlists for anything in particular like compress does. Jin is listening to albums that he stumbles upon at random, or by recommendation. that is how he discovered Gorillaz, and ironically his fight with Skeptic only made that even more awkward after Jin found out his company was called feel good inc... you can imagine how upset he truly was inside. “what a douche” is what jin is thinking when he discovers this. on a good day for jin, he will sit back and Toga will set him up with some songs she wants him to listen to with a comfortable pair of “cat” earphones. he enjoys just the act of listening to music itself, and being alive. it makes him feel good, and he uses music as a way to ground himself to others. 

[badlandsloop]

Unsleeping City OC

Martin “Marty” Reed

Appearance: Marty is a 36 year old human man with short blond hair, a stubble beard, and blue eyes. He’s tall and bulky but not defined. He’s usually found in old pride parade shirts, jeans, and work gear, many of which have food stains. 

Bio: A construction worker and dragon slayer, Marty battles the injustices of both the Waking World and the Dream World. An epic battle with an evil dragon in his youth left him with a sense of fulfillment that he hasn’t been able to replicate since. He has tried to fill the void with countless hobbies, jobs, and aspirations but each failed to live up to his lofty comparisons. This feeling of lacking and his strong sense of justice fuel his anger issues. He is a Path of the Zealot Barbarian with the Entertainer background. He channels his rage to try and do good. High STR&CON, above average DEX, average INT&CHA, but low WIS.

His journey as a dnd character is to gain control and make bonds. He needs to learn to control his rage and to stop throwing away the things he loves to do because they don’t compare well to what he calls his “life’s defining moment.” He lacks the ability to properly connect with people. He is so invested in fixing the problems with both worlds that he cannot relate well to people who focus on just one. He gets frustrated with those who deal in the magical aspects of NYC for not also using magic to fix the many problems in the “real” world and has a huge problem relating to people affected by the Umbral Arcana.

Background: Marty grew up far from NYC. An athletic kid, he was bigger than his peers and part of every sport team. He frequently got in trouble for pummeling bullies. At 16 years old he became comfortable with his sexuality enough you come out to his family. It did not go well. His father was furious, said some horrible things, and found himself on the receiving end of an ass beating at Marty's hands. He ran away immediately after. Eventually finding himself in New York City.

Marty lived on the streets for a while after his arrival. He found various labor jobs during the day and would go to gay bars at night, lying about his age for both. He made friends which quickly became family. He came out on the other side of these harsh few years with an fine enough apartment, a steady construction gig, and a place on any stage as one of the most popular drag queens in the city. By day he would work. By night he would hop from bar to club and perform his various acts.

Years later this would lead to an encounter with a nefarious dragon manifested of pure cartoonish villainy. Dragons are so popular and fantastic that sometimes fake ones spawn in the Dream World. They are fake in the sense that they appear fully formed from the minds of people rather than through good old fashion draconic reproduction. As a compilation of tropes and people’s ideas of “how dragons act,” these beasts always seek to cause trouble in the Waking World. This particular dragon was made of generic fairy tales, especially princess capturing ones. So it sought out princess to capture, people to enslave, and gold to horde. It began kidnapping drag queens, since it found no princesses.

Marty saw the pattern of disappearances and looked for an answer. When the Umbral Arcana tried to muddle his mind, it couldn’t. His righteous anger at the crimes burned through it and a new New York City sprawled before him. One night after a show he followed the beast to its lair as it took one of his friends. The ensuing battle was long and epic and ended with Marty in full drag beating the dragon to death with his sledge hammer. After freeing the captives, no one had died, he kept the monster’s skull as a trophy. He even went so far as to fashion it into a chair that fills most of his tiny apartment.

Since that fight, Marty’s life lacked the spark it once had. Nothing in the Waking World had the same luster if compared to battle. Performing no longer felt like his dream so he sought new dreams. He spent years searching, trying everything. But nothing could distract him from the high he felt that night.

Now he is burnt out on such dream jumping. In addition to his job, he volunteers most of his free time to homeless shelters especially those that help lgbt youth. He is also an activist, lending his time to anyone with a just cause. He can march with the best of them, but at the end of the day his personal life is largely nonexistent.

Game Mechanics: As a Path of the Zealot barb, his rage comes from his beliefs. His righteous fury against injustice and bigotry gives him superpowers. When raging, his extra radiant damage manifests as glowing rainbow light pouring from his weapon, usually a sledge hammer from work (reskinned warhammer). His construction safety gear isn’t armor but contributes to the AC he gets from unarmored defense for flavor because why not. He has the prodigy feat, which gives him expertise in performance checks, that is what makes him a good performer despite his meh charisma, it also gives him construction tools proficiency (modern artisan’s tools)  and another language. A lot of his barbarian features and themes are about maintaining perseverance. Marty is all about enduring everything life throws a him and still coming out swinging.

[laputaindefrenchgirl]

Goodbye, old friends.

Recently, I realized one thing : x-men (circa 2011-2019) was actually the Twilight of my twenties. One of those phenomena, which whirlwinds your soul, intellect and passion into a pivotal period of your life. In my case, my early twenties.

But, I’ll go back to the beginning : the x-men anime series in 1990s. I remember watching episodes in the morning, every wednesday, and first thing first, being fascinated by Professor X. Imagine! A leader living with a disability, bald yet still cool, with the most badass wheelchair known to humanity, and with one of the greatest super power ever. I was around five years old when I was watching, and completely hooked by this fantastic, well written, universe. As early as I can recall, Charles Xavier’s character gave me a sense of belonging, and safety (besides my family). This was someway proof that you can be unique, different, and right where you were supposed to be. 

The seeds were taking in my brain.

Then, x-men First Class came out in 2011 and this was a brutal slap to my big head. I’ll go with “Mutant and Proud” first. This mantra, repeated through the movie was exactly what I needed to hear. I always had and always will love myself, but to be proud of me has a total different meaning. I was nineteen, still a baby, and about to go through one of the toughest experience of my life, moral harassment in my college. This movie had an emotional impact on my vision of the world and myself. 

The world is mine to take, and I have to bloom in order to conquer it.

My perception of myself was at the same time accurate and yet sugar coated, nowadays for example it’s much more blurred but I guess it’s what adulting does to you. Charles Xavier, once again, embodied massively a part of me I could not ignore. And Erik, god, I was thinking he’s right too. But the biggest part of me was relating to Charles, for the following reasons. He knows he’s different, went through some abuse, and yet, he wants to make the world a better place. He believes in Humanity. He knows they can be the worst and the best. Having all this power, who could crush anyone, and not using it. He’s a good speaker (so am I, in my good days) and use his tools to make things happen, being subtle and sometimes not so. He’s still shielded from the dark things due to where he was born, and good money. He’s naive in that way, and kind of arrogant in believing, simply. He’s the believer. And that makes him one of the greatest, brightest, and powerful mutant in history.

He has this extraordinary friendship with Erik, and believes in him as his total equal. The way he opens up to him, gives him his trust (so does Erik tho), is extremely well depicted and human. As I was watching First Class, I was amazed that such friendship could exist (and dude, let’s not talk about the bromance). When the bullet went through Charles’ spine by accident, the way that suddenly he realizes he and Erik cannot draw their path, together. That’s so accurate to many, many life’s situations. You go until the point of non retour. When you trust someone with your entire self but hit the end, stop sign, and know you can’t keep going like that. I wonder what would have happen if they did not break up (call it what you want) in Cuba? Would have they have been able to compromise? 

If I was Charles, I would not have been able to. Maybe blinded by my bruised ego, brokenhearted, or simply hurt. Because once I dive in, I know I could drown if I make a mistake. That’s real life.

In Days of Future Past, the struggle is real. that scene in the plane, well, it questions lots of things. Magneto does not (want to?) comprehend that Charles gave up his powers in order to not feel pain, and be able to walk again. He’s so angry with Charles, calls him a coward for giving up, for not believing. Charles, well, he’s a mess. And he did really try but eventually, (he) it wasn’t enough. He was still grieving over the abandonment of his best friend and his sister. Being alone is terrifying. And of course, he’s angry too. This scene was super intense and well done because, let’s be honest, who wouldn’t for a minute mute your own pain in order to pretend? Charles is both despised for being a naive asshole, too kind hearted, and then for being a man who could not accept to be less physically than he was before the bullet. He loses hope, and again, that’s a very human thing to do. I loved this dynamic, because it made me wonder, wouldn’t i have done the same thing when I hated myself the most?

Throw away my wheelchair, disability, in order to be normal and not be looked as some kind of weird thing, in the best and worst ways. 

Eventually, Charles finds his faith, his hope again and is that leader, that light everyone crave and look after. There’s the ultimate question, layered under lots of FX and plots ; if you represent hope for the world, who are you hoping for?

To be that person is so hard to carry. Somedays, I feel that curse. I take out of it what’s best for me, and just try to be the best version of myself I can be. If not for me, then for you, and what will be there long after me. Such a selfish aura to be light but selfless to live for. Very strange to be.

Then Apocalypse, then Dark Phoenix, which is the last movie of the franchise with this excellent cast. I mean, seriously, x-men could not have had a better casting, especially Fassbender and McAvoy. Period.

In Dark Phoenix, Erik is settled in Genosha, and Charles being a tad too political in the lead of the x-men as a school and also an unity to save the world. He thinks his choices are the good ones, and some he takes by the beginning of the movie are clearly not. But he’s Charles Xavier, and he’s build an incredible school and done an amazing conversation between the public opinion and the mutants. So yes he’s been blinded by his ego, but always trying to what is best for his people, his family. Through the movie, his relationship with the others x-men has a change of dynamic to say the least, and in my opinion, Beast reaction towards Charles was extremely violent, like he took his grieve on him for all the fucking wrong reasons.

As I was watching DP, I related to Charles once again. I went through a complicated phase as recently. I’m basically, Audrey, the strong headed young woman who’s successful on what she goes for. Spoiler, I do not do everything perfectly, and am a mess on my days. But as Charles, I have this light, and people find hope in me, and I give them my best vibes and try as harder as I can. And for one thing I did, which wasn’t supported by people close to me, they tore me down as if my whole twenty six years of being who I am didn’t matter. It broke my heart. Just like Charles, I tried to make up, repair what I did supposedly wrong, but they didn’t care. For months, I lived through a very complicated situation where I was isolated and not supported, which was hurtful, lonely, hard to live through (end of the depressive note).

What I liked though, was the open ending of DP. Charles and Erik someway reunited (in a french café, so cliché ughh) and Erik’s the only one who’s saying, let me be there for you. Who knows, maybe Charles isolated himself by the end of movie because he couldn’t live with the guilt? Or maybe Beast and the others x-men didn’t forgive him? In both case, here again, that’s something I would totally do. It’s a silent scream. I’m too demanding, both to others and myself. Charles is both powerful and physically dependant to others. A strange but knowing combo, ready to explode anytime soon. I can tell ‘cause I’m pretty much the first to guilt-trip myself when I realize I did a wrong. The way Charles can’t seem to forgive himself when he gave away so much, is to me, very realistic.

As a kid, I dreamt by night that I had a superpower. I never truly defined which one, it wasn’t really about flying or becoming invisible. The more I grew, the more my love for life was growing, even through the bad days and the hurt, I had hope brighter days were ahead, still do. My power is to try to do my best when I know I also could do the worst. Too powerful to be loved rightfully, too weak to be the good person I should be.

I would finish this by saying x-men taught me to be kinder towards myself. To always try to reach potential, as an artist, a woman living with a disability, but most of all as a human. I will probably live most of my life feeling like a misfit, looked upon as a strange creature but knowing that, someday, things will change and people who are gifted to be different will be treated with equal respect.

Mutant and Proud. thank you so fucking much.

#audreytheartiste

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 6 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 6 Summary Analysis

Castiel keeps his distance from Dean in an effort to protect him. He sees that Dean has a real shot at a happy, normal life and does not want to interfere with that. Being separated from Dean’s influence causes Cas to lose his way, and he becomes hardened and less sympathetic toward humans. Dean considers Cas to be a close friend, and he tries to stay loyal even when Sam and Bobby suspect Cas is up to something. Dean feels betrayed at Castiel’s manipulation and severely disappointed that he would stoop to working with Crowley instead of going to him for help.

My interpretation: Cas lets go of the possibility of a romantic relationship with Dean because he sees that Dean is happy with Lisa. Cas throws all off his energy into the war with Raphael to cope with this loss. Dean loves Lisa, but their relationship doesn’t work out because she and Ben cannot share the hunting life with Dean. After distancing himself from Lisa, Dean’s feelings for Cas grow, but he still does not fully admit them to himself. He repeatedly exhibits behavior typical of someone who is repressing an aspect of their sexuality.

6.01 Exile on Main St.

When Dean asks about Cas, Sam says he hasn’t heard from Cas at all and doesn’t know where he is.

6.03 The Third Man

Dean suggests calling Cas for help on a case. When he shows up, Sam is pissed that Cas answered Dean’s prayer when his own have gone unanswered for the past year. Cas tells Sam he and Dean have a profound bond, which makes Dean slightly uncomfortable: “Dean and I do share a more profound bond. I wasn’t gonna mention it.”

Cas, who is in soldier mode due to the angel civil war, explains that he answered Dean’s prayer to retrieve the Staff of Moses: “Sam, Dean, my ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’ Pardon me, but I have spent the last ‘year’ as a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent. But believe me, you do not want that weapon down here. Help me find it, or more people will die.”

Dean unsuccessfully tries to talk Cas out of doing a soul cavity search on a young boy: “You’re gonna torture a kid.” “I can’t care about that, Dean. I don’t have the luxury.”

Cas explains the Raphael situation and apologizes for not being upfront about it: “Cas, why didn’t you tell us this?” “I was ashamed. I expected more from my brothers. I’m sorry.” 

Cas chooses Dean over Balthazar: “I believe the hairless ape has the floor.”

6.06 You Can’t Handle the Truth

Cas answers Dean’s call for help diagnosing Sam. He feels bad for not coming to Dean sooner, and Dean convinces him to help figure out what’s wrong with Sam:  “What happened to you, Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” “I’m at war. Certain regrettable things are now required of me.” Cas pours Dean a drink while they’re talking.

Lisa breaks things off with Dean because of Dean’s obsession with hunting, his unhealthy relationship with Sam, and because of what happened when Dean was a vampire: “You’ve got so much buried in there, and you push it down, and you push it down. Do you honestly think that you can go through life like that and not freak out?”

6.07 Family Matters

Cas determines that Sam has no soul. Cas uses sarcasm with Dean, which throws Dean off a little: “Of course. Your problems always come first.”

6.10 Caged Heat

Dean feels uncomfortable when Cas reveals he’s watching a porno while Sam and Dean are doing research in the next room: “If the pizza man truly loves this baby sitter, why does he keep slapping her rear? Perhaps she‘s done something wrong.” “You’re watching porn? Why?” “It was there.” “You don’t watch porn in a room full of dudes, and you don’t talk about it. Just turn it off!” Cas gets a boner, and he doesn’t turn it off. Samuel walks in and comments: “This is what you boys do—sit around watching pornos with angels?” “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

Dean notices that Cas is not helping to find Crowley: “You know, Cas, you could help.” “I’m ambivalent about what we’re attempting.” “Well, breakin’ into monster gitmo is not exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room.”

Cas shows genuine concern for Sam and thinks Dean may be making a rash decision: “Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year, and they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. Do you understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic.”

When the hell hounds come, Meg agrees to stay behind to fight them. She kisses Cas, and he kisses her back, which thoroughly confuses Dean and Sam: “I learned that from the pizza man.”

When Meg leaves, Dean teases Cas, but he’s too naive to understand: “Well, she’s smart, I’ll give her that. I was gonna kill her, too. ‘Course I’d have given you an hour with her first.” “Why would I want that?”

Dean thanks Cas for his help and offers help in return: “Crowley was right. It’s not going well for me upstairs.” “If there’s anything we can do...” “There isn’t. I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time, I’d rather be here.” “Cas, we know you’ve got a steaming pile on your plate. There’s no need for apologies. We’re your friends.”

6.12 Like a Virgin

Cas and Dean argue about returning Sam’s soul to his body: “I’m sorry, Dean, but I warned you not to put that thing back inside him.” “What was I supposed to do? Let T-1000 walk around, hope he doesn’t open fire?” “Let me tell you what his soul felt like when I touched it. Like it had been skinned alive, Dean. If you wanted to kill your brother, you should’ve done it outright.”

6.15 The French Mistake

Dean is frustrated that Cas agreed to use him and Sam as bait: “When will I be able to make you understand? If I lose against Raphael, we all lose everything.” “Yeah, Cas, we know the stakes. That’s about all you’ve told us!”

Cas feels bad for being so secretive: “I’m sorry about all this. I’ll explain when I can.”

6.17 My Heart Will Go On

Balthazar expresses resentment of Castiel’s fondness toward Dean: “Sorry, you have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who’s in love with you?”

Cas is willing to kill Fate to save the Winchesters: “If I know her, and I do, she won’t stop until you’re dead.” “Awesome. So what do we do?” “Kill her.”

Cas refers to the Winchesters as friends: “You need new friends, Cas.” “I’m trying to save the ones I have, Dean.”

Cas chooses the Winchesters’ safety over the power of 50,000 souls after Fate threatens to kill them.

Cas demonstrates his belief in free will, and his appreciation for what Dean and Sam have taught him: “You’re the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don’t have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that’s something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that.”

6.18 Frontierland

Dean calls Cas to help with time travel. Rachel answers for him, and she talks down to Winchesters for trying to take Cas away from battle. Cas interrupts her as she’s insulting them. She is surprised that he would drop everything to help them.

6.19 Mommy Dearest

Bobby recognizes Dean as the one Cas consistently responds to: “Why does it always gotta be me that makes the call, huh? It’s not like Cas lives in my ass. Dude’s busy... Cas, get out of my ass!” Cas and Dean share an awkward look: “I was never in your...”

Dean appreciates Cas being there to help fight Eve: “Well, if she is here, I’m glad we’ve got Smitey McSmiterton on our squad.”

Castiel’s feelings are hurt when Dean insults him for being powerless: “Something in this town is affecting me. I assume it’s Eve.” “So, wait, Mom’s making you limp?” “Figuratively, yes.” “How?” “I don’t know, but she is.” “Oh, well that’s great, ‘cause without your power you’re basically just a baby in a trench coat.” Cas glares at Dean and looks out the window, prompting Sam to say, “I think you hurt his feelings.”

Dean teases Cas some more: “I’m fairly unpracticed with firearms.” “You know who whines? Babies.”

Cas and Dean disagree over taking time to save two young boys: “Millions of lives are at stake here, not just two. Stay focused.” “Are you kidding?” “There’s a greater purpose here.” “You know what? I’m getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay? I think what I’d like to do right now is save a couple of kids, if you don’t mind.”

Cas doesn’t understand why the Winchesters don’t share his sense of urgency: “Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with ‘sarcasm.’ It was a bad idea letting them go.”

Even without his powers, Cas tortures a monster without blinking an eye.

Despite Castiel’s apparent lack of empathy toward humans, he yells out in anguish when Eve bites Dean.

When Sam and Bobby express suspicion that Cas is working with Crowley, Dean can’t get on board with the idea: “Bobby this is Cas we’re talking about.”

6.20 The Man Who Would be King

We learn that Cas, overconfident after being brought back by God, pulled Sam out of the pit. We also learn that Cas initially went to Dean for help with Raphael, but chose not to ask him because he wants Dean to have a real shot at happiness: “Everything he sacrificed, and I was about to ask him for more.”

Cas initially went back to heaven to try to explain the concept of free will to the other angels, but he has grown pessimistic over time: “If I knew then what I know now, I might’ve said, ‘It’s simple. Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.’”

Dean continues to believe that Cas was tricked by Crowley instead of believing that Cas has been lying to him. He even offers to help Cas: “Cas, you’ll call, right? If you get into real trouble?”

Dean feels uncomfortable lying to Cas: “You know, he’s our friend. And we are lying to him through our teeth.” “He is the Balki Bartokomous of heaven. He can make a mistake.” “This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one, and we were stuck, and I mean really stuck, he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat, cut and bleeding for us, so many freakin’ times. This is Cas! Don’t we owe him the benefit of the doubt, at least?”

It’s hard for Cas to watch Dean defending him: “And the worst part was Dean trying so hard to be loyal, with every instinct telling him otherwise.”

Cas second guesses his choice to deceive the Winchesters: “I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys. Or to protect myself. I don’t know anymore.” “Hiding, lying, sweeping away evidence... and my motives used to be so pure.”

Cas is unsure if he’s doing the right thing by working with Crowley: “My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters’ guardian. They taught me how to stand up, what to stand for, and what generally happens to you when you do.”

After Bobby refers to Cas as “a Superman who’s gone dark side,” Dean deflects his status as Castiel’s closest friend onto Sam, “This makes you Lois Lane.”

Cas saves the Winchesters from demons even though he knows it’ll anger Crowley: “For a brief moment, I was me again.”

Cas is furious with Crowley for sending demons to kill the Winchesters: “I’m only gonna say his once. If you touch a hair on their heads, I will tear it all down. Our arrangement, everything. I’m still an angel, and I will bury you.”

Dean is elated to see Cas when he returns: “Well, Bobby, what do you think about Cas saving our asses, again?” “We never should’ve doubted you. We just hope you can forgive us.”

When Dean realizes that Cas HAS been lying to them, he feels betrayed—much moreso than Sam and Bobby: “You gotta look at me, man. You gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not working with Crowley.” “Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it, like we always have. What we don’t do is we don’t go out and make another deal with the devil.” “Yeah, it sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it?” “I was there. Where were you? You should’ve come to us for help, Cas.”

Cas desperately tries to make Dean understand: “I’m doing this for you, Dean. I’m doing this because of you. You’re the one who taught me that freedom and free will...”

Dean pleads with Cas to stop what he’s doing for his sake: “You’re a freakin’ child, you know that? Just because you can do what you want, doesn’t mean that you get to do whatever you want.” “I’m not gonna logic you, okay? I’m saying don’t just ‘cause. I’m asking you not to. That’s it. Look, next to Sam, you and Bobby are the closest things I have to family, that you are like a brother to me. So if I’m asking you not to do something, you gotta trust me, man.”

Castiel’s ego gets in the way of trusting Dean: “I’ll do what I have to do to stop you.” “You can’t, Dean. You’re just a man. I’m an angel.” “I don’t know, I’ve taken on some pretty big fish.” “I’m sorry, Dean.” “Well, I’m sorry, too, then.”

Cas struggles with a crisis of faith because of his differences with Dean.

6.21 Let It Bleed

Cas is furious with Crowley for kidnapping Ben and Lisa. 

Cas tries again to make amends with Dean and help him understand his position: “I thought you said that we were like family. Well, I think that, too. Shouldn’t trust run both ways?” “Cas, I just can’t.” “Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call. And I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats. I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing. I’ve earned that, Dean. I came to tell you that I will find Lisa and Ben, and I will bring them back. Stand behind me the one time I ask.”

Cas is hurt when Dean compares him to Crowley and won’t trust him. He is also mad at himself for letting things get to this point. Dean can’t let it go because he feels so betrayed: “Why don’t you go back to Crowley and tell him that I said you can both kiss my ass.”

Cas comes to heal Lisa in the hospital and apologizes to Dean. Dean asks him to wipe Lisa and Ben’s memories of him.

6.22 The Man Who Knew Too Much

Dean and Castiel continue to fight. When Dean refuses to let Cas follow through on his plan to open Purgatory, Cas breaks down the wall in Sam’s mind.

Cas feels like everyone has abandoned him: “I’m doing my best in impossible circumstances. My friends, they abandon me, plot against me. It’s difficult to understand.”

Dean pleas with Cas to return the souls to Purgatory: “I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I’d have died for you—I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you, please... I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, and now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

The combination of Castiel’s feelings of abandonment combined with the souls scrambling his brain lead him to reject Dean: “You’re not my family, Dean. I have no family.”

[thecloserkin]

book review: Marian Veevers, Jane & Dorothy (2018)

Genre: Biography

Is it the main pairing: Yes

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: No

Is it endgame: No

Is it shippable: Yes

Bottom line: Y’all fools: Stanning Lord Byron and his half-sister Augusta whom he didn’t even meet until he was nearly grown, never mind whether he actually knocked her up. Me, an intellectual: William and Dorothy Wordsworth are right there, eloping to the countryside and spending the rest of their days holed up in a picturesque cottage composing poetry.

First let’s have a detour where I yell about Crimson Peak (2015, dir. Guillermo del Toro). A few of the recent asks about incest vs. the patriarchy got me thinking about this line from Jane & Dorothy: “the malevolent power of married women over their spinsters-in-law.” Between the wife and the unmarried sister it’s obvious who has more power and it’s clearly not the spinster sister-in-law—and yet Guillermo del Toro would have us believe that Edith in Crimson Peak is helpless before Lucille’s resistance to giving up the skeleton key (the one that opens every room in the house). Edith is made out to be the victim of Lucille’s bloodthirsty unhinged jealousy, when she’s not only THE WIFE she’s got ALL THE MONEY, she’s literally holding all the cards??? It doesn’t add up. This biography is the antidote to that. It looks at the paucity of options open to your average 19th century girl who just wants a Room of One’s Own to write in, and situates her bid for freedom in the context of having no good options. The trouble with “Crimson Peak” was not that Edith wasn’t relatable or that I didn’t identify with her; when Thomas tears her down in that faux-breakup speech he attacks her on the terrain where she’s most vulnerable, her abilities as a writer. The trouble with Crimson Peak was that this beat would have hit so much harder had it landed on Lucille, a woman who’s WAY more vulnerable than Edith by dint of having (1) no marriage prospects and (2) no inheritance. Without Thomas this bitch has (3) no survival strategy either! Otoh take away Thomas and Edith is still left with her dad’s $$$, Edith still has Alan waiting in the wings to swoop in & save her, in other words Edith will be just fine. No wonder Lucille feels so threatened!! The situations are not even comparable. Here then is Jane & Dorothy which offers two case studies of women whose impulse to write & create was just as strong as Edith’s, but whose plight was much closer to Lucille’s ie. precarious as fuck.

I picked this book up because it’s actually a dual biography of Dorothy Wordsworth and Jane Austen, and I’m a basic bitch and Jane Austen is my eternal favorite. I’m going to focus on the Dorothy chapters but rest assured I read the Jane chapters with equal gusto. Jane Austen (b. 1775) and Dorothy Wordsworth (b. 1771) were both born into the British pseudo-gentry, which means they were too highborn to go and get a paying gig as a governess or companion but not highborn enough to have any independent source of income (neither of them had a dowry settled on them). While the two women never crossed paths, the arcs of their lives run in parallel as they pursue divergent strategies to secure their futures. So the primary imperative here is to avoid a life of domestic drudgery. But the secondary imperative, because these are both perceptive girls with rich inner lives, is this:

For an intelligent woman, confined to a society which denies her higher education and restricts her existence largely to the home, the male companion with whom she shares her life is her chief provider, not only of security and affection, but of intellectual stimulation.

This is a popular romance novel plot, do I want to marry a man who is a bore (possibly also a boor) or do I want to starve hmmmm. The point is that women are frequently starved for both affection and intellectual stimulation, and it’s little wonder Dorothy fell so hard for her brother William when he showered her with both. Dorothy and William were separated as children when, after the death of their mother, she was sent to live with an aunt in West Yorkshire (she was seven, he was eight). Nine years later they reconnected and sparks flew almost immediately. I mean I think their letters speak for themselves:

”the last time we were Together William won my Affection to a Degree which I cannot describe.”

What kind of brother needs to “win” his sister’s affection? Most of them treat sisters like furniture.

”Never have my eyes burst upon a scene of particular loveliness,” he wrote, “but I have wished that you could be transported to the place where I stood to enjoy it.”

standard “everything beautiful either reminds me of you, or makes me want to share it with you” pablum but EXTREMELY effective for all that

but enough he is my brother, why should I describe him? I shall be launching again into panegyric

Dorothy: hahaha but don’t you think my brother was looking mighty fiiiiiine today

”his attentions to me were such as the most insensible of mortals must have been touched with”

”I assure you so eager is my desire to see you that all obstacles vanish. I see you in a moment running or rather flying to my arms.”

That letter is from William, and you have to remember that William was supposed to be a huge dick who routinely ignored his friends’ missives leaving them in suspense whether he was alive or dead and yet he managed a lively & regular correspondence with Dorothy for years before they moved in together. It’s almost like he treated her … special.

”that sympathy which will almost identify us when we have stole to our little cottage”

These kids are already plotting their elopement jfc! Here are some snippets from Dorothy’s diary from much later, after they have in fact achieved The Dream of their own cottage:

”After dinner we made a pillow of my shoulder, I read to him and my Beloved slept.”

”The fire flutters and the watch ticks and I hear nothing save the Breathing of my Beloved and he now and then pushes his book forward and turns over a leaf.” It is a picture of domestic contentment such as Jane Austen draws to portray a genuinely happy marriage.

”After we came in we sat in deep silence at the window — I on a chair and William with his hand on my shoulder. We were deep in Silence and love, a blessed hour.”

This is literally #goals. Veevers points out that “the conflation of marriage with home, spinsterhood with insecurity” meant that “William was promising the kind of permanence and safety which women usually found in marriage.” Dorothy really thought she could Have It All: a home of her own and a rich, stimulating intellectual life shared with the man she loved. And she proceeded to spend the rest of her life making fair copies of his poems. Hell, she pushed him to be a poet in the first place (it was not at all clear initially that this was the best plan for William, who could just have easily have embarked on a career as a political polemicist, but it was Dorothy who pushed him to be a poet, Dorothy who spent the rest of her life copying out his verses in her fairer hand). Early on Dorothy & William befriended the poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who was so envious of their bond that he complained, “You have all in each other, but I am lonely, and want you!” Can you b e l i e v e Coleridge actually said that. If one of you hoes doesn’t write me the William/Dorothy Historical RPF that’s Coleridge Outsider POV I s2g I will do my damnedest to die of consumption.

Veveers sums it up this way: “It was a relationship few women would be able to have with their husbands, for, at the time, the two sexes were expected to inhabit different mental landscapes.” To put it bluntly women had ovaries instead of brains; they just weren’t interested in the same stuff a man was. Otoh you have William and Dorothy Wordsworth, actual soulmates: the historical consensus is there is “some uncertainty as to whether she would be best described as muse, emotional support, secretary or co-author.” And she didn’t hide it, either. This is where you really see the difference between Dorothy, who is so open, and Austen heroines like Eleanor Dashwood (Sense & Sensibility), Fanny Price (Mansfield Park) or Anne Eliot (Persuasion) who also feel things deeply but had to regulate the bejeezus out of their emotional responses. This is Dorothy:

After any separation her joy at meeting her brother again was uncontrollable. “I believe I screamed,” she admitted on one occasion when there were witnesses.

Uncontrollable screaming in front of witnesses every time she’s reunited with her brother??? WE STAN. This is how low Dorothy’s spirits sink whenever he’s gone:

”I slept in Wm.’s bed, and I slept badly, for my thoughts were full of William.”

adkfjdkfjdkfjdk I just want to add that when William is home the floorboards are so thin that she can hear him pacing in the bedroom above hers, so his insomnia keeps both of them up at night but she doesn’t mind, she can’t sleep until he falls asleep, she would probably give up a kidney or a lung if she thought it would sell 500 more copies for him. I’m torn between GIRL HE AIN’T WORTH IT and stanning her even harder for being so ride or die on any topic that touches her brother (later, when he has kids, she decides William’s kids are smarter and better-looking than everyone else’s kids).

This is the most iconic line in the entire book, from a letter Dorothy writes to an interfering relative who deplores Dorothy’s judgment for throwing in her lot with a penniless failson like William:

”I affirm that I consider the character and virtues of my brother sufficient protection”

The icily scathing tone of the setdown is PERFECTION. But also, this just in your brother abandoned his pregnant Catholic mistress in France. You know this. Yet here you are gallivanting around the countryside in his company. In fact, when he proves too much of a coward to tell your uncle himself about the existence of said pregnant mistress—this is the uncle who funded all of William’s education and reasonably expects some return on it—he delegates Dorothy to break the news. Dorothy also winds up in charge of all correspondence with the poor girl, who writes occasionally asking for a little money or when is William coming back to France to marry me, and it’s Dorothy who has to fob her off. And this whole incident—the revelation of the French mistress, the break with the family, William refusing to take holy orders to become a clergyman—is so pivotal in their relationship! They were close before but this is the irrevocable step when Dorothy decides to join her fate to his. And her motivation could not be clearer:

William’s outspoken affection for her seems to have first aroused a reciprocal love in Dorothy, but it was his fall from grace, his isolation and his need of a friend, which provided the final catalyst that raised her gradually deepening affection into wholehearted, single-minded devotion.

She saw his need and responded almost involuntarily. She is a RESCUER.

Dorothy, was in one way, very fortunate to have fallen in love with her brother. “Rambling around the country on foot” with a slightly disreputable brother might bring down the censure of her more conventional relatives, but it was a good deal safer than rambling about with a man who was not a brother.

This is the kind of behavior that if two unrelated people engaged in it must have resulted in the man being honor-bound to extend an offer of marriage, because a woman has nothing if she doesn’t have her virtue. Two siblings roaming the countryside, picking flowers and wading thru streams and stargazing? My god what PRIME fodder for fake married tropes! Just present yourself at the first inn you come to as a married couple and then guess what? There was only one bed!!!!

at Grasmere “there was an unnatural tale current of Wordsworth … having been intimate with his own sister.”

tell me MOAR omg this is so deliciously Gothic i keep thinking about that line from Wuthering Heights “whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

at Alfoxton, “the master of the house,” it was said, “had no wife with him, but only a woman who passes for his sister.”

PASSES for his sister trololololol like they don’t act the way you’d expect of a brother and sister, like they’re too into each other.

And it was generally accepted that immorality and radical anti-British sentiment went together.

But really William got much more staid and less radical as he got older, and Dorothy was never political because her energies were centered on William William William. On top of which it’s hard to overlook the fact that William would go into Dorothy’s journals and “borrow” her words and publish them verbatim as his own; he felt as entitled to her intellectual labor as her domestic labor, and there is nothing radically egalitarian about that. So I definitely don’t think this is a case where incest is subversive so much as incest illuminating existing hierarchies & oppressions. Veveers writes: “An unmarried woman’s hold on her own time was extremely fragile. She could be made use of in any crisis, transported against her wishes” to fulfill another family members’ needs. Jane Austen’s sister Cassandra evidently shouldered both their weights when it came to this sort of emotional labor: writing letters of thanks & condolence, minding their brothers’ children, calming hypochondriac aunts down, attending births of little nephews & nieces. Cassandra doing all this extra labor gave Jane the space and time to write. Moreover Jane had formed the ambition to write. Dorothy, on the other hand, thought anything worth saying was already being said by William. And she didn’t have her own Cassandra to share the unceasing burden of housework with:

In fact, the domestic labor and childcare that lay ahead of Dorothy were almost indistinguishable from the duties she had escaped at Forncett rectory. But now she was to be living in a home she had chosen, with a man she loved.

Did it matter in the end, Dorothy’s rebellion? If she’d remained a hanger-on in her uncle’s household, living on his charity, her life would not have been outwardly all that different. I have to believe that her choices did matter, of course. It would be easy to sit here and speculate that if Dorothy had not poured all her mental and physical resources into supporting William’s career, she too might have produced another Pride & Prejudice, but naturally we cannot know that. What we know is that Dorothy and William were 100% in love, a fact that anyone with a modicum of reading comprehension can verify by reading their letters. Why is this not more widely discussed? William Wordsworth was not exactly an obscure poet. The explanation, again, comes back to patriarchy:

The idea that Dorothy might have inspired (or felt) desire at Dove Cottage was as abhorrent to mid-20th century academics as it was to gentlemen of the early 19th century … who preferred to think of unmarried women drooping and degenerating after the age of 25, rather than maintaining a subversive and disturbing sexuality.

I wish I could say that William and Dorothy grew old together at Dove Cottage. What actually happened is he got married (she talked him into it—she chose a mutual friend of theirs whom they’d known for ages) and accidentally fell in love with his wife oops. His new wife was neither young nor pretty, in fact she was painfully plain, but that William became genuinely attached to her there can be no doubt. Dorothy continued to live with them and look after their children until her death. So I think we have avoided the worst case scenario, the malevolent-power-of-the-married-woman-ruins-her-spinster-in-law’s-life scenario: This is what happened to Jane Austen when Jane’s father unexpectedly announced his retirement, uprooting Jane and Cassandra from the Steventon rectory where they’d lived all their lives and forcibly removing them to Bath, where Jane was so miserable she did no writing for years. All this upheaval on account of Jane’s brother and his wife wanting the Steventon rectory and its income for their own! The accursed woman was probably measuring the drapes before she’d moved in. Anyway, it is fortunate this open enmity did not characterize Dorothy Wordsworth’s relationship with her sister in law; they were fast friends and they remained friends after the latter’s marriage to William. But instead of William-and-Dorothy forming the nucleus of life at Dove Cottage now it was William-and-Mary, and if this did not sting at least a little Dorothy would not be human. She had been supplanted in William’s heart. I CRY.

Because I’m literal shipper trash I want to end on the bittersweet note of SIBLINGS EXCHANGING RINGS AS A SYMBOL OF COMMITMENT EVEN THO THEY CAN’T LEGALLY GET MARRIED. This is Dorothy’s description of the morning of William and Mary’s wedding, right before they leave the house to attend the ceremony:

”I gave him the wedding ring—with how deep a blessing! I took it from my forefinger where I had worn it the whole of the night before—he slipped it again onto my finger and blessed me fervently.” It might be said that William married her before he married Mary, and that Dorothy was making a promise in that upstairs room try like the one Mary was about to make in church.

it’s been two months since I read this book and i’m STILL SCREECHING byeeeee

[seriouslycromulent]

(Lengthy) Thoughts on Fantastic Beasts 2: Crimes of Grindelwald

I don’t really plan to write a full review of FB2, but since I said I was more excited for it than Widows, Aquaman, and Bohemian Rhapsody, it feels wrong not to share some general thoughts on the second installment of the Fantastic Beasts franchise. 

Especially since I just got back from seeing it a second time in the theater.

As usual, I haven’t read any reviews, nor do I plan to. I think I’ve established by now I don’t care what critics think. Never have. The only opinion that truly matters in how I view any work of art or entertainment is mine, so if you’re mostly expecting to see me repeat or refute any critics’ opinion of the film here, you might want to keep scrolling. (I address a few at the end. But it’s very cursory.)

Anyway, here are some of my reactions to FB2. And yes, there are spoilers below. I tried to keep them vague as to not give too much away, but I was not as successful in doing so as I might have hoped. You’ve been warned.

And away we go ...

Overall, I enjoyed the film greatly. It didn’t give me the warm fuzzies at the end that the first FB did, but it’s not supposed to. It’s not the first chapter that kicks off the story. It’s the next chapter that leads us down the darker path in the tale that introduces us to true struggle and turmoil that we’re going to have to deal with through the remaining 3 films.

It’s not meant to be shiny. It’s not meant to be sweet. But it is meant to present us with a few twists, turns, and new information to keep us invested in the story. And with that in mind, I was not at all disappointed.

I don’t know if I’ve communicated this yet, but I truly love the look of Fantastic Beasts in general. The 1920s is one of my favorite eras when it comes to design and history. From fashion to automobiles to architecture to hairstyles to music to literature to advancements in technology, etc., I think it’s a very underrated era when it comes to human ingenuity and cultural significance. And to set the second film in 1920s’ Paris was just brilliant. In the first film, I got to enjoy the ‘20s of New York, but now we get a splash of NYC and London, but mostly Paris as our backdrop, and the visual design and production were even more amazing.

I was nervous that they were going to use Leta Lestrange to drive a wedge between Newt and Tina, and even though they sort of did, I was happy to see it was a bit of a red herring. And she was never any real threat to Newt and Tina. Crappy love triangle averted!

Now with that out of the way, I really did feel sorry for Leta. Once we learn her backstory, it all comes together and makes sense. When she says the line, “Newt, you never met a monster you couldn’t love,” I was shook by the accuracy of that.

Newt was probably drawn to that ever-present, misunderstood sadness in Leta that he quite honestly sees in Tina as well. I like Tina, but she does have her terminal anxiety covered by that fake-it-til-you-make confidence that allows Newt to see a bit of himself in her. And I think in no small part, plays a role in their attraction to one another.

I do find it unfortunate that I’m seeing so many people rush to show concern for Queenie’s character and express empathy for her, wanting to protect that character going forward, but I see so little of that consideration and empathy shown toward Leta. Which is ... telling.

While we’re also on Leta Lestrange, I was pleasantly surprised by Zoe Kravitz’s performance. I’ve been a bit hard on her for the past year or so. Not because I don’t like her, but because, frankly, I’ve yet to see her deliver a great acting performance worthy of all the love and praise she gets from fans. I feel like most people just like her because of who her parents are, and they want to see her succeed in Hollywood because of it. But she’s yet to really impress me with her acting at all. I’m not saying she’s changed my mind entirely in FB2, but this performance was definitely one of her better and stronger ones. So kudos to her.

Now I’m not disappointed in terms of performance, but a part of me is really annoyed by Queenie in this. I get that she wants to marry Jacob, and the Ministry in America says no, but what was she thinking in enchanting Jacob?! Like he said, when was she going to wake up him? After they were married and had 5 kids? Come on, Queenie! How was that the answer to your problem?

Yes, I’m upset she joined the dark side in the end. But I’m trying to be understanding because Grindelwald is making some enticing points on why people should join him. For Queenie, she thinks that if Majs are in charge, they can get rid of this silly rule about who can marry whom. But at the same time, she knows Grindelwald is dangerous. Does she think Majs will gain control over the No-Majs without casualties? Does she even care? And with her telepathic abilities, she’s going to make Grindelwald a powerful operative -- as we saw in the end when he asked her about Credence’s mental state. Damn it, Queenie! Why did you have go to the dark side?!

It does make me wonder: If Queenie had known what Grindelwald had done to the family that originally lived in that Paris apartment, would she still have joined him? Is she willing to see innocents killed (even children) in the name of creating Maj rule just so she can marry Jacob?

Also, can someone explain to me why it was OK for Queenie to call Jacob a coward -- especially since we know he fought in the war -- but it wasn’t OK for him to think she was crazy? Why is she allowed to insult him, but he’s not allowed to insult her? Again, she annoyed me with this.

Going back to the look of the film, I not only enjoyed the production design, but I also loved the many special effects. From the Kappa (the Japanese water demon in the tub at the circus) to whatever that giant deer with the enormous jaw Newt was feeding in his lab to the Zouwu (the giant Chinese New Year dragon-meets-Falcor from Neverending Story creature) to the simple stone statue of the woman in Paris who hid the underground entrance, I thought most of the special effects were ... well, quite fantastic.

The only effect that threw me at all were the protective felines, Matagots, at the French Ministry. They not only looked disturbing, but they also didn’t look real enough. They almost felt like they stepped out of a video game. And not one of today’s video games either, but one from like 2013. Perhaps it was intentional because they’re meant to be a bit surreal with their huge eyeballs, but I’m afraid that also made them appear just a tad less believable. Which is odd considering all the things we’ve seen in the Potterverse that skirts the concept of realistic. Oh well. It wasn’t enough to make me dislike the other special effects, so I’ll shrug it off.

Shallow moment reveal: I want Tina Goldstein’s leather trench coat and I don’t even wear leather.

I adore Jacob Kowalski. That is all. Change nothing about him. 

I love that their solution to showing Young Dumbledore even younger is to remove the strands of gray he has from his beard. 

This is going to sound odd, but Callum Turner’s face is perfect for this film. Why? Because he has that classic bone structure we used to see all the time in old films from the 1920s and 30s. Seriously, put a straw boater hat on Theseus and give him a bamboo cane, and he looks like he walked out of the background of a Buster Keaton movie. Maybe it’s just the combined effect of the movie’s setting and wardrobe. Maybe it’s the fact that Callum’s skin is so damn tight across his cheekbones he looks like if he sneezes, he’s going to rip his jawline from the bone. I don’t know. But I do know that he has the perfect face for this film.

When I heard that J.K. mirrored Grindelwald’s speech at the cemetery after some of the things Hitler used to say in his speeches, I knew he was going to be a great villain. In the first Fantastic Beasts, Grindelwald is really just a boogie man. What we know of him is more in relation to how people react to him. Even when it’s revealed that he was wearing a Percival Graves-glamour to hide while doing his dirty work, we still don’t truly see him as the dangerous menace that he is. In that respect, he was a man seeking power (and Credence) to get his ultimate plan underway. The rest are newspaper headlines.

But to see Grindelwald talk to his minions in the Paris apartment and at the cemetery with such effortless manipulation was somewhat jarring. Especially when you think of present day parallels with the rise of more authoritarian regimes around the world. Grindelwald uses seductive language to coax his followers into believing their desires are born from love and a need for safety, not born from hate and fear. He tells them that No-Majs are not worthless, but simply of “other value.” He softens the declaration of war by painting what could be an impending genocide by insisting it’s for the betterment of all mankind. 

This is a villain for a story written for adults. Voldemort is for children. He doesn’t get the window-dressing and subtlety of true real-life villainy. Grindelwald, on the other hand, can exist in our world today. Voldemort cannot.

Now I’m aware that a lot of people are talking about the reveal regarding Credence’s lineage -- which was the truth bomb that left quite a few people stunned while the credits rolled. Understandably. But until I see someone piece together a theory on how Credence can be a Dumbledore (although it would lend itself to explaining his Obscurial nature), I’m inclined to believe that Grindelwald was just lying through his teeth.

When he says that the Phoenix comes to Dumbledore family members in their time of need, why did the bird that Credence was nursing suddenly transform into one? At that moment in time, Credence was not in his most need. Why wouldn’t the Phoenix have shown up in New York prior to Newt’s visit? Why didn’t the Phoenix show up after Credence had gone ballistic and ripped up half of NYC and retreated into the subway? 

Hopefully, at some point in the next film, Credence will question Grindelwald and demand some sort of proof. But even if he does, I can see Grindelwald manufacturing something semi-credible to manipulate Credence further. We’ll have to wait and see.

One of my favorite lines: The line where Dumbledore says he and Grindelwald were more than brothers ... I see what you did there, J.K. ... I see what you did there. ;-)

You know what I want for this film series now? More Nicolas Flamel in future FB films. :-)

I also want more Dumbledore, but I suspect that wish will be easily granted as the series continues. And if we can have more Dumbledore with Grindelwald, I would like to order that as well.

I’m not sure of the name of the actor who played a young Newt Scamander in the Hogwarts flashback scenes, but wow! Talk about matching the perfect youngun’ to the right adult actor. That kid was completely believed as a young Newt. Hell, he’d be believable as a young Eddie Redmayne.

Notice how when Credence goes to Grindelwald in the cemetery, he puts his head on Grindelwald’s shoulder? He did it just like he did when Credence thought Grindelwald was Graves. It was a nice, but subtle callback to the connection these two formed -- even if temporary -- in the first film. And back then, Grindelwald was manipulating him just like he is manipulating him now, by filling a void disguised as love, affection and genuine concern. And Credence is still susceptible because he’s spent most of his life devoid of that.

Although I feel like he would have shown more hesitation at the idea of leaving Nagini behind. But maybe he figured since this is what they were working toward all along, she might understand with time.

I did see some people complain about the exposition scene where we learn of Leta’s secret, Yousef’s oath, and Credence’s connection to the Lestrange family. I thought they did a wonderful job getting the audience through that level of detail without making it boring. You hear a narration, but the visuals communicate the story perfectly. For such a tragic tale to be included in a film where some may think it’s all about love stories and magic wands, I appreciate the inclusion of how evil like Grindelwald’s exists in every generation. And its lasting effects helped create the situation everyone is struggling with in this current story. That is some expert-level storytelling.

Can I just say I love the relationship between Newt and Theseus? It’s not perfect, but it’s not mean-spirited. When Newt says, “This is probably the greatest moment of my life,” after Tina uses her wand to tie Theseus to a chair so they can escape, you can see that these two brothers have had a bit of a rivalry in the past, but you also see love there in the beginning when Theseus warns Newt that the ministry is watching him. And when Theseus is heartbroken after Leta tries to take down Grindelwald, that hug from Newt with the line, “I’ve chosen a side,” really says it all about their relationship. They’re brothers who love each other, even if at times, like many brothers, they don’t always like each other.

It was sad to see the poor Niffler get hurt because of the whole blue fire scene, but it’s also awesome that he snagged Grindelwald’s keepsake. One of the trailers said “No nifflers were harmed in the making of this movie.” Better not be. ;-)

OK. I think that’s all I have for now in terms of original reflections on the film. I’m sure more will come to me as I am exposed to other’s feedback. Like I said, I don’t read reviews. But I do hear different things being uttered by others on social media and in casual conversations. And to that, I say this: I’ve yet to hear one complaint about this film that I agree with. Not. One.

For example:

I don’t agree with the complaint that it had too much plot. (What the f*ck does that even mean?!)

I don’t agree that Queenie was acting out of character. (How is that possible if the person who created the character wrote her doing those things in the script? Not liking what a person does is not the same as acting out of character.)

I don’t agree that J.K. didn’t do a good job with the screenplay. A) She wrote the screenplay for the first one, and B) That’s utter bullsh*t because your desire to not think when you go into a cinema doesn’t have to translate into a script that caters to your desire to not think.

Johnny Depp did a phenomenal job, as expected. And no. He should absolutely not be replaced or recast.

And no. Leta Lestrange was not a disappointment. Quite the opposite.

I try to stay away from reviews, because mainly, I enjoy thinking for myself. So I honestly don’t know what all the critics are saying. All I keep hearing is that the movie is getting “mixed reviews.” So clearly some people like it. While others don’t.

I don’t know what others were looking for, but I do know that this film was exactly what the next act in this story should be. I look at Fantastic Beasts like a 5-act play. The Crimes of Grindelwald is the second act, and it did what a second act should do. The second act introduces a significant complication, develops the primary and secondary characters’ personalities further, and increases the action on all fronts in the plot. 

I think it’s unfortunate that some critics (and perhaps fans) thought that they were going to walk out of FB2 feeling the same way they did when they walked out of FB. And I can’t help but feel that some of the criticism being lobbed at J.K. has more to do with trying to take her down a peg and attempting to find a flaw in her skillset than it is about a genuine critique about what appears on the screen in Fantastic Beasts 2.

I don’t support mindless entertainment. I don’t even want my cartoons and action films to be mindless. It’s a sad state when we see critics demanding films cater to the lowest level of attention spans and depth. And I’m happy to see J.K. not give over to that idea.

As I said in the beginning, I enjoyed the film greatly -- enough to see it twice in 4 days. So you’ll likely see me praising the movie as much as the previous one until the next chapter (or Act 3) is ready for me to enjoy.

[esonetwork]

Timestamp #253: Into the Dalek

New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/timestamp-253-into-the-dalek/

Timestamp #253: Into the Dalek

Doctor Who: Into the Dalek (1 episode, s08e02, 2014)

A fantastic innerspace voyage.

A pilot and her wounded co-pilot desperately fly away from an attacking Dalek ship. The pilot, Journey Blue, calls for help but her ship explodes around her. She awakens in the TARDIS console room and pulls a gun on the Doctor. He tries to explain that he saved her life by materializing the TARDIS around her at the moment of her death, and he waits for her to ask nicely before taking her back to her command ship.

The vessel was once a hospital ship, but the Doctor does not receive a warm welcome when he emerges on the hangar deck. Journey Blue saves his life when she tells her shipmates that the visitor is a doctor. The crew takes the Doctor to his new patient. Unfortunately, it is a Dalek.

Back on Earth, Danny Pink trains the Coal Hill Cadet Squad before returning to his duties as a mathematics instructor. He’s quite the bit of eye-candy for the women at the school and an object of intrigue for the students since he served as a soldier in the army. The kids are curious if he’s ever killed anyone and if he’s ever killed someone who was not a soldier.

Danny eventually meets Clara, but he turns down an opportunity to join her for a drink. When he later verbally berates himself (supposedly in private), Clara offers again and he accepts. Clara leaves Danny and enters a supply closet to find the Doctor and the TARDIS. The Doctor offers some coffee, which he was supposed to fetch three weeks ago, and asks her for advice.

The Doctor wants to know if he is a good man.

Since Clara isn’t familiar with this Doctor, she replies that she doesn’t know the answer. Sadly, neither does he, and he sets a course for Aristotle. It turns out that the Dalek has asked for help and has offered to destroy its own kind, and the Doctor cannot quite wrap his head around the concept. Once they return to the command ship, they realize that they have to get into the Dalek’s head. Luckily, Aristotle has a gizmo that will shrink people.

The Doctor, Clara, Journey, and soldiers Ross and Gretchen are miniaturized and injected into the Dalek’s eyestalk. The soldiers are there to kill the travelers if they turn out to be Dalek spies. The team encounters the Dalek’s artificial memory drive which filters out good memories and reinforces bad ones, essentially refining evil. They are also attacked by antibodies when the soldiers attach grappling hooks to the Dalek’s internals. Ross is killed, but the Doctor is able to track his remains to a place of relevant safety. Unfortunately, that’s a pool of protein that feeds the Dalek, which the Doctor has named Rusty.

The team escapes through a hot tunnel to an irradiated battery room. The radiation is affecting Rusty’s memory core and allowing his morality to leak through. The damage is related to Rusty watching a star being born, an event that spoke of beauty and divine perfection. It also reinforced that life prevails and resistance to that is futile.

The Doctor fixes the battery leak, but that causes Rusty to revert to his murderous ways. He then breaks free of his restraints and begins exterminating the ship’s crew. Rusty opens a communication channel to the Dalek ship and reveals Aristotle‘s secret location.

The Doctor uses this as evidence that there is no such thing as a good Dalek, but Clara is not satisfied with the result and slaps him back into sense. Following Clara’s inspiration, the Doctor instructs her, Gretchen, and Journey to make their way back to the memory drive and try to restore Rusty’s memories of the star while he reasons with Rusty.

Gretchen sacrifices herself to get Clara and Journey to the memory core. When the antibodies kill Gretchen, she ends up meeting Missy in the garden called Heaven. Meanwhile, Rusty continues his rampage as the Daleks reach Aristotle.

The Doctor meets Rusty eye to eye, facing off against the organic creature at the heart of the Dalekanium shell. As the Doctor forms a psychic link with the Dalek, Clara crawls through its core and restores the hidden memories. The plan is mostly successful but falters when Rusty finds the Doctor’s intense hatred of the Daleks. Despite the Doctor pleading with Rusty to look beyond that hatred, the Dalek uses it to fuel a mission of destruction against his own kind.

Rusty destroys the rest of the Daleks on the ship and the team is restored to their proper size. Rusty leaves to join his own kind, promising to work against them from within. He also shakes the Doctor to his core by proclaiming that the Time Lord is the good Dalek that he was searching for. As the travelers prepare to leave, Journey asks to travel with the Doctor but he refuses because she was a soldier.

Clara changes clothes for her date as he takes her home. She tells him that she doesn’t know if he is a good man, but she does give him credit for trying to be one. She then leaves for her date with Danny, trying not to adopt the Time Lord’s policy against soldiers.

Welcome to the origin of the “Don’t be lasagna” meme. It’s such a funny example of this Doctor’s quest to find his bearings, reflecting the whimsy of the Ninth and Tenth Doctors. His ruthlessness also reflects the Ninth and Tenth Doctors – note that he’s not bloodthirsty, but he is direct – and his views on the military reach back to the Third and Fourth Doctor eras.

Importantly, the military stereotypes get subverted with the reinforcement that people can evolve beyond their roles and/or training.

The Doctor’s hatred of the Daleks is generally universal, but it is amplified by the events of The Day of the Doctor. This level of hatred reminds me of the Ninth Doctor in Dalek – another time when the Doctor would make a good Dalek – though I do appreciate the attempt at defusing the hatred while persuading Rusty. The imagery used in that persuasion comes from The Stolen Earth/Journey’s End.

There are obviously elements of the classic “go inside the body” films Innerspace and Fantastic Voyage. We also have a callback to another shrunken Doctor adventure in Planet of Giants. I also love the breaking out of a morgue callback to the TV movie.

But it is the exploration of the Doctor at this point after his regeneration in the face of his greatest enemy that intrigues me, followed closely by Clara using the Doctor’s lessons learned in her own life outside the TARDIS. It’s a good journey into his personality during an otherwise straightforward narrative.

Rating: 4/5 – “Would you care for a jelly baby?”

UP NEXT – Doctor Who: Robot of Sherwood

The Timestamps Project is an adventure through the televised universe of Doctor Who, story by story, from the beginning of the franchise. For more reviews like this one, please visit the project’s page at Creative Criticality.

[thehorde]

We Are Originals

Previous Chapter

AN: So sorry it’s taken so long to update this! I tend to start to many things at once :/ Anyway, here you go!

Summary: When Thomas stops a young man from committing suicide, he is shocked when they turn out to look exactly alike. Life is not nearly as simple as he thought it was… Humanau, thesidesareclonesau,

STORY IN GENERAL WARNINGS: depression, anxiety, suicide attempt, swearing

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Chapter 4

Thomas had been reduced to a nail-biting, hair pulling mess by the time he was able to use the car to drive to South Carolina.

Okay, so he could maybe, maybe rationalize the existence of one person, maybe two people that looked like him.

But three other people?

Maybe Joan was right. Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe he should get help.

Thomas’s knuckles were white on the wheel as he pulled into the guest parking lot in front of the university Logan worked at. He sat there for a long minute. Just… breathing.

He couldn’t panic. He needed to figure this out rationally and running off like he did a few days ago was not going to get him any answers. He drove the seven or so hours out here and now he just needed to find Logan. Which reminded him, how exactly was he going to do that? Logan hadn’t set up a place for them to meet. He supposed he could figure out where the science area of the school was and start there?

Grumbling under his breath, Thomas opened the door and stepped out into the day. He walked toward a map beneath some large trees, hands in his pockets. He was suddenly self-conscious as he entered a small crowd of walking students. The students laughed and studied and listened to headphones and some unfortunate soul was sleeping in a corner, and it was all so… normal.

Thomas had never felt so completely disconnected in his life.

It didn’t take long to find the building he needed, and on his way over, he took out the phone he was borrowing from his brother and texted Logan quickly. As usual, the message didn’t go through. Well, fine.

Thomas pushed through the swinging glass doors and walked down the hallway past groups of semi-panicking students. He waited for the hallway to clear a bit before continuing on, hoodie over his head.

“Hey, do you know where Professor Edison’s office is?” he asked a girl.

She frowned at him. “Uh, wow. I… are you related to him?”

“Cousin.”

The girl nodded. “Yeah. He’s in a lecture now, though. I just passed by. Room 221.”

“Thanks.” He was a bit early, then.

Thomas kept going, head down. There were remarkably few people that recognized him, which he was grateful for even if he didn’t quite understand it. 219, 220, 221. There.

He stood on his tiptoes to look through the window in the door. The lecture hall was large and shadowed and circular like a mini arena. Down there at a podium stood a young man with a laser pointer. Above him, the slideshow displayed what appeared to be a detailed drawing of an atom? The lecturer gestured simply at it, his eyes lit up with excitement. He was wearing glasses just like the other one had been, (Patton, wasn’t it?) but while the glasses had made Patton look almost childish, they gave Logan a look of intellectual superiority. He was wearing a sharp button-down and tie that Thomas wouldn’t be caught dead in, and it suddenly made sense why people were not immediately recognizing him. Logan carried himself like an adult. The teacher. And Thomas most definitely did not. He decided he’d think about that later as he eased open the door and sank into a seat. He’d hoped to come in completely unnoticed, but Logan glanced up at the door and his speech faltered. A flicker of something passed through his eyes, and Thomas gave him a tight smile.

“A-as I was saying,” He fixed his glasses. “if we reverse the polarity of the neutron flow…”

Thomas didn’t hear much of the rest of his lecture. Although, admittedly, Logan was not too bad of a teacher. He seemed stern, but he was willing and enthusiastic when students asked questions, which Thomas wouldn’t have expected. It felt like a matter of minutes until Logan’s lecture ended. Students zipped up their backpacks, put on coats, and filed out of the lecture hall. Thomas went with them. It was easier than going against the flow or the crowd.

He exited into the hallway and waited, arms crossed. He checked his watch. Logan should be coming out any second now… Sighing, Thomas walked up and down the hall boredly. He was jittery and anxious and he just wanted answers.

Suddenly, a hand grabbed his arm. He yelped as the person pulled him back. Into a maintenance closet.

The door clicked shut and Thomas was chest to chest with a complete stranger.

The other person stepped back. “What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed.

“Finding you! You said-”

“I know I said-” He growled and reached up to pull on a string. A small light bulb popped on and Logan was standing there glaring at him. “I have a life that I have built here and I do not need some idiot rushing around ruining everything. Did anyone see you?” Thomas opened his mouth to protest, but Logan kept on. “Of course people saw you. You could be putting all of us in jeopardy with this foolhardy behavior!”

Thomas crossed his arms. The top of a mop was jabbing into his side and he struggled to keep his balance. “Look, I just want answers okay? Can we talk somewhere that isn’t a broom closet?”

Logan considered his.

He shook his head. “No. No, we cannot be seen together here.”

What was his problem? Why was he so freaked out? So there were a few people that looked alike, big deal. Logan wasn’t acting like it was a little thing, however. WHY?

Logan chewed his lip, and his eyes glazed as he thought about something. “Yes. Okay, so there is not an easy way to say this. So I will simply state it.”

Thomas cocked his head. “Okay?”

“You and I are clones along with the others.”

Thomas blinked.

What?

He snickered. “Yeah, funny. I didn’t take you as the practical joke guy. Now, what’s the deal? What was it, quadruplets? I didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“If this is all, it would be quintuplets, actually,” Logan said. “Roman is also one of us.”

Thomas’s mind skipped a few tracks before he forced himself to just accept that. “Five. Five kids.”

“Yes, or we would be if we were born normally. But we were not. I have done the tests and the signs are quite obvious when you are looking for them. For one, we are not all exactly the same age, in fact, there are several month gaps between all of us. Also, there is a genetic signature which simply does not exist in nature. I could say more, but I imagine there is little likelihood of you believing me and I honestly do not have the time. So, if you don’t mind-” He reached for the door but Thomas grabbed his wrist.

“Hey, wait. You can’t just say that and then walk off.”

“Can’t I? I think I am. Right now.” He pulled away from Thomas and started opening the door.

“If you walk out, I’ll follow you.”

That stopped him.

“You must understand, we cannot be seen together. There are people who would…”

Thomas waited. “What? People, who would what?”

Logan pursed his lips, his voice low. “It is sufficient to say that we have disappeared before. Woken up without memory of where we were. When Virgil disappeared, we all assumed he had been... taken. We had found microphones on our phones, in our houses. People were watching us. Studying us. We relocated and thought we had them off of our backs until Virgil disappeared.”

Thomas could feel the blood draining from his face.

The process of cloning is actually quite simple, someone had told him once. They do it to animals all the time.

No. He wasn’t actually considering this. But Logan was making sense. Too much sense.

Breathe, Thomas.

“If you ever feel like someone is following you, leave as quickly as possible. I have…” He dug out of his pocket an old flip phone. “Here. Use this to contact us. We have ensured that it isn’t tapped. If anyone calls you, it is one of us. I am… apologetic that this is how things are, but this is how it is. Now, if you have an ounce of sense, you will leave and never contact any of us for your own safety.”

Thomas took the phone dully. He couldn’t think. Every thought was whizzing around too quickly for him to grab hold of.

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Just reevaluating my existence, you know,” Thomas laughed even though nothing was funny. He was dizzy and nauseous but, yeah, whatever.

“I… I have parents. I have a brother. I’m not…”

Logan raised an eyebrow skeptically. “There is a high probability you were adopted.”

And there was another pang right there in his gut. Would his parents really lie to him like that?

Yes.

“I need… air.” Thomas opened the door, and Logan stayed inside the closet, arms crossed. “T-Thanks for the phone, I guess.” Thomas swallowed dryly. OutsideIneedtogetoutside.

He turned to walk away, but Logan grabbed his arm. Thomas looked back, surprised. Something had unexpectedly softened in Logan’s eyes. His shoulders slumped, and he suddenly looked very old and very tired. “I apologize for my bluntness. The search for Virgil has had all of us at our wit's end and… I am grateful that you found him.”

Thomas nodded. “Okay.”

Logan debated inwardly before coming to a decision. “Against my better judgment, I imagine this is difficult for you. You ought to have an official introduction. Perhaps… a meeting between us all can be arranged.”

The thought had Thomas wanting to panic immediately, but he found himself nodding. “I would appreciate that.” He didn’t believe him. Not a chance. But he still wanted to meet the others.

“Good.” Logan glanced out at the hallway. It was still empty. “I will speak to the others and text you the address and time. It will be within the next few days in all probability.”

A meeting. He could… he could do a meeting. Thomas nodded again and Logan let go of him. His, what was he, a brother? His brother fixed his glasses and loosened his tie slightly. “Thank you,” Thomas said.

“You are welcome.”

Next Chapter